Mothers Love Best

[sistermagpie]

This came from an exchange in the comments on bookshop's post about women in HP that I'm sort of elaborating on. Rowling has said, looking at the series that it is "a litany of bad fathers" because that's where she thinks "evil" tends to "flourish"--where people didn't get "good fathering."



That made me think about mothers in canon. Because I think it's true that the pattern in canon is to have the fathers being screw-ups and causing all sort of issues with their sons, while characters honestly tend to get their strength from their mothers because of their nurturing. When I say nurturing, I don't mean in a sweet way, either. Mothers in this series tend to be badasses when they're mothering, at least when pushed. It makes me think of that moment in the movie Big where Tom Hanks first confronts his mother as a full-grown man. She of course thinks he's an intruder (and although it's not said, presumably a would-be rapist and killer). So she first responds to him whimpering "No, please." Then he starts trying to tell her who he is, and she gets it into her head he's done something to her son. Then she grabs a knife from the kitchen, turns into a banshee and makes him run screaming from the house. Later he's quite flattered when she threatens him on his own behalf: "You touch one hair on his head and I will spend the rest of my life making sure you pay for it." ("Wow. Thanks!")

Anyway, I was going through the mothers in canon, and this does seem like the default position.

Lily Potter
Obviously the mother of the hero, the one who would not stand aside and so gave Harry the thing that protected him and gave him life. Braver than James in that situation, according to the author, because she was given a choice and chose to die, while James was fighting. Harry's superpowers quite literally come from mother's love turned into magic. Harry's problems and issues stem more from his father and the band of guys that make up his friends. It's James Harry wants to be and doesn't want to be and wishes were more than he was and then learns to accept. Lily is pretty much perfect at this point. I've heard some people say they hope we get something like her that we got for James…I wonder if this is more something female readers wish for.

Merope Gaunt
On the other extreme we have Merope who stands out because she did not love her son. As troubling as it is to think that the woman is being judged as lacking courage because she died soon after childbirth, the idea really does seem to be that Merope did something unnatural here in not fighting enough to stay alive in order to love her son. Her son is thus the one who has grown up without a mother's love, and it's no surprise he's the evil of the series. Evil may flourish with bad fathering, but that's why you need the mother to give the kid a chance. A kid without either is Voldemort here. She left him alone only after making sure to give him the names of two fathers including her own charming dad.

Molly Weasley
Another obvious mother whose love approach tiger-nature, haunted by the idea of losing any of her seven children, or even the boy she feelings motherly towards. Percy's issues are, as usual, really with Arthur. Although he's hurt his mother by sending back the jumper, his fight does not seem to be with her at all. The other siblings seem to blame him more than anything for hurting her. (Though I think that situation is actually really complicated, and won't go into it here.)

Alice Longbottom
I kind of put her on the top of my list. Both Neville's parents were tortured into insanity, but this woman fights her way towards lucidity galvanized by the desire to somehow find a way to love her son even in her condition. That's pretty fierce, and Neville, imo, gets it. Neville is one character who doesn't seem screwed up by father issues, actually. His grandmother is sort of a stand-in because she's a Longbottom, and she's done the best she can to give him father issues by giving him his father's wand (she's still loving her own son). But looking back post-HBP I wonder if Neville's constant, quiet courage goes naturally with what he sees in his mother figures without a father's interference. Even his Uncle Algie seems like a minor figure.

Mrs. Crouch
She gets her husband to allow her to switch bodies with Barty to save his life, agreeing to die alone in prison surrounded by Dementors. Too bad Barty himself is still tied up in his Daddy issues, angry at his father, substituting him with Voldemort. Reading his story you can't help but see how much better off he had been if he took more comfort in the mother-love coming from her and Winky (a surrogate mother with the same instincts).

Narcissa Malfoy
Obvious, but here again there's an interesting parallel to Harry in that traditionally early life for a boy is associated with the mother, then he's supposed to move into his father's world. In HP with Harry, and I think also Draco in HBP, we see the boys in the period where they're trying to be their father, and as they get older they are ready to move more towards the mother again. There's probably a psychological thing here, where Draco and Harry both start owning the parts of themselves that are their mother and having their mother more directly influence their lives at the age when they start getting romantically involved.

Regardless, Draco's been screwed up with his father issues throughout the series, with little hints of the consistent mother's love throughout (I think most people associate his mother with his care packages, and she wanted him close, etc). Now that his father's sins have come down on his head and he's poised to make the same mistakes even if he has to force himself, Narcissa swoops in to do whatever it takes to protect him--there's nothing she wouldn't do now. Bellatrix stands in stark contrast to her claiming that *she* would sacrifice her sons. She doesn't have any. It's Narcissa's son she'd sacrifice.

Petunia Dursley
She's a bit tougher since she's so far been such a caricature of bad mothering in the way she spoils Dudley, but ultimately I think even Harry realizes that she is his source of protection in that house even as a surrogate mother. I love that moment in OotP when he looks at her and for the first time recognizes her as his mother's sister. Petunia is in many ways the crueler to Harry because of the power she has, but she also is the one that ultimately gives him the protection while Harry does more of his fighting with Vernon and Dudley. (I think she's the one, despite it all, with real feelings for him too, complicated as they may be.)

Miscellaneous

Eileen Prince
I can't say much about Eileen Prince, but interesting that Snape, around the same age as Harry in the book where Lily starts to become a factor, is using her name to identify himself, and she is introduced to us readers. Was it Lily who was the one who loved Snape? Maybe, but I'm sure Eileen did too. If Harry really did glimpse Snape's parents in his memories in OotP, I don't think Eileen's cowering will turn out to be strictly indicating defeat. By joining the DEs Snape was denying his father’s side of his heritage. That again makes me think of Tom who wanted to have gotten his power from his father, and then found out it came from his mother.

Mrs. Black
One example I can think of besides Merope where love appears to have been withheld. Though I'm not so sure, since I totally believe Kreacher when he says Sirius "broke his mother's heart," and his personality makes me wonder if he wasn't loved very much as a child and that the love went wrong as he grew up rebellious. As much as Sirius would claim to hate his mother and think she's nuts, he sure does remember clearly how often he was told Regulus was "the good son." Some don't agree, but I definitely get real family feeling behind everything Sirius says about Regulus. I can't wait to hear more about him and them!

Mrs. Hagrid
Kind of interesting in that apparently giant mothers don't love their children and Hagrid made do with a father. More importantly, I think the idea is that Hagrid became a mother in the way he treats animals (and in many ways he's as bad as Petunia as a mother, though it's supposed to be cute with him). I think Hagrid may be an example of someone overcoming what should have been a fatal problem by a father who tried to provide it, so showing that it doesn't have to be strictly gendered. Still, Hagrid lacked the mother so much he embodied it himself, often in crazy ways.

I wonder, too, about the disturbing human-giant connection here. As the far smaller parent Hagrid's father may have easily slotted into a lot of our expectations for the mother. She was the larger, more intimidating parent who made demands and expected the child to live up to the big bad world and go out on his own. Hagrid's father was smaller, more gentle, and loved him as he was. Hagrid himself then embodied the two traits. He can be violent and intimidating because of his size, as inherited by his mother, but is also compulsively nurturing, even though he is male.

Not that he's nurturing to everyone, obviously, and I think it's significant that he's unable to transition from early-childhood mother to adult mother, which is why he mostly nurtures animals, who never grow up. Harry himself has long since known he would often have to be the "adult" in dealing with Hagrid. So Hagrid acts like a mother, but also as a child. His mothering is often about feeling loved himself.

These are all mostly mother/son relationships. Mother/daughter is often more low-key, a mixture of friendship and annoyance--I can't think of anything as unhealthy as some of the worse father/son relationships we've seen. Tonks and her mother seem to be different women, but it's not a problem. Ginny rebels against Molly, but I've no doubt they'll be a close team when she's an adult. I think in many ways they already are.

I saw The Year of Magical Thinking last night, btw, with Vanessa Redgrave. I liked it better than I thought I would. Might write something about it later.