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I was just taking this poll about fandom, which is pretty interesting. There are a number of questions asking how you would feel if you found out someone in fandom turned out to be a different age or gender than you thought them to be, and
...how you would feel if they had lied about these things.
It's weird because for most of them I had to say "I don't know." Because I realized I'd have to know why the person lied. The idea of being wrong about this stuff didn't bother me at all--I've been wrong before about someone's gender or age not because the person actively lied but because I for some reason got it in my head they were something else. But when asked whether I'd care if the person lied it seemed like I'd be annoyed just because when I think of someone lying on-line I automatically think that person is intentionally irritating. They're the type who make up stories for attention or whatever, and even if it's nothing so elaborate as the "my cat got set on fire, please send money!" type it's just irritating to have someone say one thing just to see how you'll react when they're really another.
Otoh, though, I could then think of plenty of non-annoying reasons to present yourself as something else. I could imagine, for instance, if someone has always been defined as one thing doesn't want to be defined by that thing. If you're a minority or have a disability, for instance, not speaking up about it can almost seem like a passive form of lying, especially if you realize people are talking to you as "one of themselves" and you know you're not whatever they think you are. But that wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't feel tricked. If I felt foolish it would come back to me again--I shouldn't have assumed. Or I'd have to really ask myself if it mattered and if I felt like it did matter, why did I think it mattered?
I think it reminds me of some obnoxious post I remember from years ago where there was some young girl who posted how horrified she was that some porn group she was in posted a picture and they were all old (meaning anywhere from 24 up) and I think some of them were not the models of physical perfection she felt her 15-year-old self to be or something. But then, I've also always noted that some people are much more interested in recreating person-to-person interaction on line than I am. I tend to like to interact with people through fandom, so I'd be much more annoyed to find out someone claiming to like Mulder really hated him and liked Scully than I would be to find out someone who kept talking about leaving for college for the first time was really a mother of teenagers. The first I'd feel was messing with me; the second I would just think had an odd hobby that didn't affect me much. Other people seem to really enjoy exchanging personal information over the net, though, even with people who are sort of strangers. I don't think this makes me less shallow or anything, I think it's just that the way I interact on line these are the things that matter. Since I'm not building "personal" relationships primarily I'm probably not going to get too attached to the image of the perfect boy someone is presenting, for instance. But I would be annoyed at someone who pretended to agree with me or something and then was running to someone else's lj to say how I was really stupid because they just wasted my time in fandom conversation.
...how you would feel if they had lied about these things.
It's weird because for most of them I had to say "I don't know." Because I realized I'd have to know why the person lied. The idea of being wrong about this stuff didn't bother me at all--I've been wrong before about someone's gender or age not because the person actively lied but because I for some reason got it in my head they were something else. But when asked whether I'd care if the person lied it seemed like I'd be annoyed just because when I think of someone lying on-line I automatically think that person is intentionally irritating. They're the type who make up stories for attention or whatever, and even if it's nothing so elaborate as the "my cat got set on fire, please send money!" type it's just irritating to have someone say one thing just to see how you'll react when they're really another.
Otoh, though, I could then think of plenty of non-annoying reasons to present yourself as something else. I could imagine, for instance, if someone has always been defined as one thing doesn't want to be defined by that thing. If you're a minority or have a disability, for instance, not speaking up about it can almost seem like a passive form of lying, especially if you realize people are talking to you as "one of themselves" and you know you're not whatever they think you are. But that wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't feel tricked. If I felt foolish it would come back to me again--I shouldn't have assumed. Or I'd have to really ask myself if it mattered and if I felt like it did matter, why did I think it mattered?
I think it reminds me of some obnoxious post I remember from years ago where there was some young girl who posted how horrified she was that some porn group she was in posted a picture and they were all old (meaning anywhere from 24 up) and I think some of them were not the models of physical perfection she felt her 15-year-old self to be or something. But then, I've also always noted that some people are much more interested in recreating person-to-person interaction on line than I am. I tend to like to interact with people through fandom, so I'd be much more annoyed to find out someone claiming to like Mulder really hated him and liked Scully than I would be to find out someone who kept talking about leaving for college for the first time was really a mother of teenagers. The first I'd feel was messing with me; the second I would just think had an odd hobby that didn't affect me much. Other people seem to really enjoy exchanging personal information over the net, though, even with people who are sort of strangers. I don't think this makes me less shallow or anything, I think it's just that the way I interact on line these are the things that matter. Since I'm not building "personal" relationships primarily I'm probably not going to get too attached to the image of the perfect boy someone is presenting, for instance. But I would be annoyed at someone who pretended to agree with me or something and then was running to someone else's lj to say how I was really stupid because they just wasted my time in fandom conversation.
