One for Sorrow

"When I was in the war, teachers didn't need no certifications to teach! You just walked into a classroom and scratched your fingernails on the eraserboard - we called them eraserboards back then because chalk hadn't been invented yet and we didn't use the word black on account of the plague that was coming back at the time. But the kids pretty much taught themselves in those days, and the only tools we needed were a couple of textbooks and a good strong belt. If the students didn't learn what they were supposed to, we'd whip 'em! If they still didn't learn, we'd loop it around their necks and strangle 'em. But because everyone was in the Army in those days, there was discipline all right. You'd shout attention and they'd snap to it! You'd yell jump and they'd ask how high. You'd say touch your nose and they'd do it, and then you'd throw 'em out because you didn't say Simon Says. Except in those days, it was Amos Says, and the game didn't get its new name until the 60s, when hula hoops made their appearance as weapons for the infantry, only nobody could figure out how to use them and they just started swiveling their hips, trying to keep it off the ground, and they started a whole new kind of dancing that way. There was this fellow named Beecher, and-"

"Thank you, Senator McCain, but we just wanted to know about your economic policy."

"Oh..." (hangs head) "Nobody appreciates a good old-fashioned yarn anymore. Which is funny, because before they started calling string yarn, there was this cat..."