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Have just been having fabulous conversations on other journals about chan as a kink. This interests me because while I don't much like chan as a kink I am very interested in one of the biggest sources of chan in HP, which is obviously L/D. I love this relationship in canon. I think it's full of hints of things painful and hurful and disturbing which make me love Draco oh-so-very-much, obviously. It also deals with things I think I'm very bad at trying to do in my own writing, something I'm trying to work on. My own instinct is always to make parental characters good. They may make mistakes or drive their kids crazy but they are almost always basically supportive and respecting of their children. This is not always the case in reality, but I have a hard time writing about it realistically or well. This is something I would like to do better--need to do better, really, at the moment.
I think part of the reason is that I've always been hyper-sensitive to it, for some reason. I had a teacher in 2nd grade who was hurtful on a regular basis. I think I remember every casual, cutting remark she ever said to me. I was probably very lucky to be able, even in 2nd grade, to realize that she was wrong for the things she said, but this didn't make it less painful or make me stop internalizing what she said.. I remember very clearly her sending this girl into the cloak room and later giving me the job of telling the girl she could come out again. Her exact words were to tell Deirdre she was allowed to come out if she was ready to stop being a baby. Of course at 7 years old I correctly understood this to be literal--I was supposed to say, "Deirdre, you're allowed to come out now if you're ready to stop being a baby." So it was with some trepidation I walked in and told her she could come out now, period. I just would not humiliate her as well, but was worried the teacher would ask her if I'd said what I was supposed to say. Anyway, for some reason I always react emotionally when people speak this way, especially to children, and L/D is just a festival of this in canon, for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm in some other universe when I hear Draco described by others: he's spoiled, he's overindulged, Lucius' worse offense is being concerned about his grades. I hear this description and think who are these people? So here I'm going to describe what I see in canon. The conclusions I draw are only vague ones, of course, because we don't see this relationship in depth, but these are my reactions. To me these hints offer an incredible wealth of things for people to explore in fic, but they rarely do.
At a time when most kids view their parents with, at best, affectionate embarrassment, Draco still often talks like a child trying to sound adult by imitating or invoking his father. This, despite his having his own authority in the school as a prefect and Quidditch player. He really doesn't seem ready to be his own person so naturally gravitates towards authority figures (Snape, Umbridge) for power. Not that he doesn't throw around power he gets given to him. It just never seems like he owns any power he's got. He's got nothing personally, but is excited when he feels like he's stealing or borrowing some from others, if that makes sense. He doesn't seem to realize how stunted he is here.
A lot of Draco's talk about his parents centers around their affection for him. In his first scene he's bragging he can bully his parents into buying him a broom, later we hear his mum sends him sweets and doesn't want him as far away as Durmstrang (stuff that again most kids would die before letting anyone know). His taunts to Harry center on the lack of such affection, not having a proper family, having to stay at school for Christmas. So I can't help but notice that whenever we see these people in canon they hardly mesh with the picture Draco's painted. He himself stays at school for Christmas despite having parents. Sitting beside her son Narcissa wears an expression of distaste and isn't speaking to him. Obviously Narcissa doesn't have to fawn over him all th time, but I can't see how it's not significant that in her one appearance Narcissa is clearly painted as having an emotional chilliness that effects even her beauty in Harry's eyes it's that intense. To me it seems like Draco's stuck at some early stage when he realized that if your parents didn't seem to like you it was because you didn't deserve it. He then became very invested in pretending the opposite was true. Since he doesn't really know how a child who feels secure and cherished behaves, he misses the mark in his presentation, often acting exactly the wrong way.
Then there's Lucius. Oh boy, is there Lucius. The scene in B&B to me, is just full of horribleness. Lucius seems at best bored by and at worst disgusted by his son in that scene. Unfortunately I don't have the book with me, but I honestly don't recall one positive thing Lucius says to Draco throughout. Draco himself, of course, is whining about Harry and spinelessly trying to place responsibility for his own failures on others, but that, to me, doesn't seem strange given the way Lucius seems to view him. I doubt there's any good way for Draco to admit to failure and do better--yet it also seems like a family rule that Lucius must be seen as perfect. With Lucius as his model of perfection how could one really expect him to make sense on this issue?
The moment where Lucius shows "concern for his grades" to me has nothing to do with concern. Mr. Borgin, a shopkeeper, tries to suck up to Lucius through Draco, complimenting the boy's interest in the Hand of Glory, the choice of thieves and plunderers everywhere. Lucius first responds by saying he hopes his son would be more than a thief and a plunderer in order to tell Mr. Borgin to stop his attempted suck up because it isn't working. He then feels the need to turn it on Draco as well by saying if his grades don't improve that might be all he's good for. It's not enough that Mr. Borgin stop flattering Draco, he must acknowledge him for the embarrassment that he is as well. By announcing Draco's incompetence to the shopkeeper, Lucius enlists his help in shaming his son. The choice of words for Lucius is telling too--by saying that might be all Draco's good for he makes it clear he may not be good for anything. That's certainly the way he treats him in the scene. Any openings for encouragement Draco gives him ("What good will it do if I don't make the team..?") are dismissed...and this is the guy who supposedly thinks it's a crime Draco isn't allowed to play first year? I don't think so. Maybe Lucius said it was a crime in general that 7th-year Mudbloods could play and first-year Purebloods could not, but he hardly seems horrified at the idea that Draco wasn't made star Seeker upon arrival.
The weirdest moment in that scene for me, though, and the one that seems to have some incestual overtones, is when Draco sulks that he thought Lucius was going to buy him a present. Presents in HP are always significant as signs of affection. Harry gets no presents growing up. Eventually he gets non-presents from the Dursleys. He treasures the gifts he receives from his friends not because he wants them but because they are gestures of affection just for him. Presents are very important in this universe. When Draco asks for a present in CoS he sounds, imo, either too young for his age or more like a mistress than a son. He's trying to coax a gesture of affection and approval from Lucius. It's almost flirty or coy and always weirds me out. Lucius responds with what sounds to me like disgust, saying that he said he would buy Draco a racing broom, i.e., he will buy him an item he determines he needs--not a present. This, presumably, is the same racing broom Draco claimed he could bully Lucius into a year before--only clearly he was lying and can't bully his father into anything. It's not Draco who gets the brooms, it's Harry, who never has to ask. His brooms were given as spontaneous gestures. I wonder if Lucius is reacting there to Draco's sounding so babyish--he's not supposed to be begging for presents at his age. It's not cute anymore.
This is also why I have a hard time believeing Lucius bought Draco's way onto the team. Not only would this have lasting effects we haven't seen in canon (everyone knows Ron barely squeaked onto the team because it shows in his performance) but Lucius has just made it clear he's repulsed at the idea Draco even needs his help. If he's not sympathetic to Draco's tales of woe about Hermione Granger the teacher's pet (whom Lucius corrects him to think of the Muggleborn girl) why would he be sympathetic to Draco's not getting on the Quidditch team? To me it makes more sense that Draco did get on the team and Lucius rewarded him for doing something right--and also saw a chance to advance his own interests. The Dursleys would buy Dudley's way onto anything they could because they are characterized as covering up his faults. Lucius quite possibly exaggerates Draco's faults by contrast, turning everything as proof of his worthlessness.
Throughout canon, it seems to me, Draco has a pattern of exaggerating his parents' personal involvement with him while Lucius himself seems to see him as personally irritating but occasionally useful as a way of getting at Hagrid, for instance, or the Weasleys, or perhaps a source of information. Draco has clearly learned that a good way to please Lucius is to parrot back his prejudices. Draco's fantasy of caring or approval on Lucius' part just smacks of vulnerabiltiy to me. I suspect this is the very thing that turns Lucius off. If Draco were more like Harry, stronger and more openly defiant, he would probably respect him more. Ironically it is probably he Lucius himself who created the too-cringing creature he has by raising him to suit his own immediate interests. That is, it was in Lucius' immediate interest for Draco to seek his approval to the exclusion of all else and he probably used alternating punishment and reward to get him that way. Draco naturally still operates on the same system, seeking the rewards (presents, attention, flattery) and accepting the punishment and just (either by internalizing the criticism and seeing himself as unworthy, which I think he does, or by seeking to blame others for Lucius' wrong impression of him--either way Lucius remains constant and just). Despite what many people seem to believe Draco is exceptionally good at accepting punishment from many people. If Draco loved his father less he would probably come off a lot better. It's his continuing hope for acceptance that keeps him from standing on his own two feet, imo.
So what you end up with, and what makes Draco so difficult a character to like, is a kid who's completely complicit in his own mistreatment and in fact incapable of seeing it as such. Much L/D fixes ths very aspect of the relationship. It turns Lucius into a simple monster that Draco sees himself as needing to be saved from. It cuts out the real problem, which is that in Draco's world Lucius isn't the monster. If anybody's the monster, it's probably him for being such a failure. Losing Lucius would be the ultimate punishment for him, it seems, the ultimate sign of failure. At the same time, though, I have a hard time understanding fluffy L/D that paints them as having a happy relationship. Draco, in canon, seems clearly happier when he's away from his parents. At school he's energetic, like a dog let off the leash. With his parents he's subdued and controlled. In his one scene with Lucius he's subdued, sulking, hopeless and whining. Fluffy!L/D again fixes the problem by making Draco successful in earning Lucius' love. In canon Draco is never successful.
As for what Draco's like at his core, I still have hope, obviously. Dudley, I think, is ultimately soft--he's a glutton through and through. Draco, imo, has an untapped toughness to him. I would hope Phineas' comment about Slytherins being brave but always choosing to save their own skin would apply to him. I see no shame, for instance, in Draco's running away from Dementors and Voldemort--I much prefer it to Dudley's dropping into a quivering heap and having to be saved by Harry. Backed into a corner, I would hope Draco would fight. I feel like up until now, certainly, Draco has never trusted his own personal strength for good reason. I don't know if he believes himself to have any. Really, that's one of the big differences between him and Fanon!Draco--Fanon!Draco is always his own person. Canon!Draco, imo, doesn't yet have his own life. He's still reacting to others.
Like I said these are just some vague impressions I get from some scenes, but I think there's any number of ways to look at it. It's just none of them are very pleasant.:-)
I think part of the reason is that I've always been hyper-sensitive to it, for some reason. I had a teacher in 2nd grade who was hurtful on a regular basis. I think I remember every casual, cutting remark she ever said to me. I was probably very lucky to be able, even in 2nd grade, to realize that she was wrong for the things she said, but this didn't make it less painful or make me stop internalizing what she said.. I remember very clearly her sending this girl into the cloak room and later giving me the job of telling the girl she could come out again. Her exact words were to tell Deirdre she was allowed to come out if she was ready to stop being a baby. Of course at 7 years old I correctly understood this to be literal--I was supposed to say, "Deirdre, you're allowed to come out now if you're ready to stop being a baby." So it was with some trepidation I walked in and told her she could come out now, period. I just would not humiliate her as well, but was worried the teacher would ask her if I'd said what I was supposed to say. Anyway, for some reason I always react emotionally when people speak this way, especially to children, and L/D is just a festival of this in canon, for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm in some other universe when I hear Draco described by others: he's spoiled, he's overindulged, Lucius' worse offense is being concerned about his grades. I hear this description and think who are these people? So here I'm going to describe what I see in canon. The conclusions I draw are only vague ones, of course, because we don't see this relationship in depth, but these are my reactions. To me these hints offer an incredible wealth of things for people to explore in fic, but they rarely do.
At a time when most kids view their parents with, at best, affectionate embarrassment, Draco still often talks like a child trying to sound adult by imitating or invoking his father. This, despite his having his own authority in the school as a prefect and Quidditch player. He really doesn't seem ready to be his own person so naturally gravitates towards authority figures (Snape, Umbridge) for power. Not that he doesn't throw around power he gets given to him. It just never seems like he owns any power he's got. He's got nothing personally, but is excited when he feels like he's stealing or borrowing some from others, if that makes sense. He doesn't seem to realize how stunted he is here.
A lot of Draco's talk about his parents centers around their affection for him. In his first scene he's bragging he can bully his parents into buying him a broom, later we hear his mum sends him sweets and doesn't want him as far away as Durmstrang (stuff that again most kids would die before letting anyone know). His taunts to Harry center on the lack of such affection, not having a proper family, having to stay at school for Christmas. So I can't help but notice that whenever we see these people in canon they hardly mesh with the picture Draco's painted. He himself stays at school for Christmas despite having parents. Sitting beside her son Narcissa wears an expression of distaste and isn't speaking to him. Obviously Narcissa doesn't have to fawn over him all th time, but I can't see how it's not significant that in her one appearance Narcissa is clearly painted as having an emotional chilliness that effects even her beauty in Harry's eyes it's that intense. To me it seems like Draco's stuck at some early stage when he realized that if your parents didn't seem to like you it was because you didn't deserve it. He then became very invested in pretending the opposite was true. Since he doesn't really know how a child who feels secure and cherished behaves, he misses the mark in his presentation, often acting exactly the wrong way.
Then there's Lucius. Oh boy, is there Lucius. The scene in B&B to me, is just full of horribleness. Lucius seems at best bored by and at worst disgusted by his son in that scene. Unfortunately I don't have the book with me, but I honestly don't recall one positive thing Lucius says to Draco throughout. Draco himself, of course, is whining about Harry and spinelessly trying to place responsibility for his own failures on others, but that, to me, doesn't seem strange given the way Lucius seems to view him. I doubt there's any good way for Draco to admit to failure and do better--yet it also seems like a family rule that Lucius must be seen as perfect. With Lucius as his model of perfection how could one really expect him to make sense on this issue?
The moment where Lucius shows "concern for his grades" to me has nothing to do with concern. Mr. Borgin, a shopkeeper, tries to suck up to Lucius through Draco, complimenting the boy's interest in the Hand of Glory, the choice of thieves and plunderers everywhere. Lucius first responds by saying he hopes his son would be more than a thief and a plunderer in order to tell Mr. Borgin to stop his attempted suck up because it isn't working. He then feels the need to turn it on Draco as well by saying if his grades don't improve that might be all he's good for. It's not enough that Mr. Borgin stop flattering Draco, he must acknowledge him for the embarrassment that he is as well. By announcing Draco's incompetence to the shopkeeper, Lucius enlists his help in shaming his son. The choice of words for Lucius is telling too--by saying that might be all Draco's good for he makes it clear he may not be good for anything. That's certainly the way he treats him in the scene. Any openings for encouragement Draco gives him ("What good will it do if I don't make the team..?") are dismissed...and this is the guy who supposedly thinks it's a crime Draco isn't allowed to play first year? I don't think so. Maybe Lucius said it was a crime in general that 7th-year Mudbloods could play and first-year Purebloods could not, but he hardly seems horrified at the idea that Draco wasn't made star Seeker upon arrival.
The weirdest moment in that scene for me, though, and the one that seems to have some incestual overtones, is when Draco sulks that he thought Lucius was going to buy him a present. Presents in HP are always significant as signs of affection. Harry gets no presents growing up. Eventually he gets non-presents from the Dursleys. He treasures the gifts he receives from his friends not because he wants them but because they are gestures of affection just for him. Presents are very important in this universe. When Draco asks for a present in CoS he sounds, imo, either too young for his age or more like a mistress than a son. He's trying to coax a gesture of affection and approval from Lucius. It's almost flirty or coy and always weirds me out. Lucius responds with what sounds to me like disgust, saying that he said he would buy Draco a racing broom, i.e., he will buy him an item he determines he needs--not a present. This, presumably, is the same racing broom Draco claimed he could bully Lucius into a year before--only clearly he was lying and can't bully his father into anything. It's not Draco who gets the brooms, it's Harry, who never has to ask. His brooms were given as spontaneous gestures. I wonder if Lucius is reacting there to Draco's sounding so babyish--he's not supposed to be begging for presents at his age. It's not cute anymore.
This is also why I have a hard time believeing Lucius bought Draco's way onto the team. Not only would this have lasting effects we haven't seen in canon (everyone knows Ron barely squeaked onto the team because it shows in his performance) but Lucius has just made it clear he's repulsed at the idea Draco even needs his help. If he's not sympathetic to Draco's tales of woe about Hermione Granger the teacher's pet (whom Lucius corrects him to think of the Muggleborn girl) why would he be sympathetic to Draco's not getting on the Quidditch team? To me it makes more sense that Draco did get on the team and Lucius rewarded him for doing something right--and also saw a chance to advance his own interests. The Dursleys would buy Dudley's way onto anything they could because they are characterized as covering up his faults. Lucius quite possibly exaggerates Draco's faults by contrast, turning everything as proof of his worthlessness.
Throughout canon, it seems to me, Draco has a pattern of exaggerating his parents' personal involvement with him while Lucius himself seems to see him as personally irritating but occasionally useful as a way of getting at Hagrid, for instance, or the Weasleys, or perhaps a source of information. Draco has clearly learned that a good way to please Lucius is to parrot back his prejudices. Draco's fantasy of caring or approval on Lucius' part just smacks of vulnerabiltiy to me. I suspect this is the very thing that turns Lucius off. If Draco were more like Harry, stronger and more openly defiant, he would probably respect him more. Ironically it is probably he Lucius himself who created the too-cringing creature he has by raising him to suit his own immediate interests. That is, it was in Lucius' immediate interest for Draco to seek his approval to the exclusion of all else and he probably used alternating punishment and reward to get him that way. Draco naturally still operates on the same system, seeking the rewards (presents, attention, flattery) and accepting the punishment and just (either by internalizing the criticism and seeing himself as unworthy, which I think he does, or by seeking to blame others for Lucius' wrong impression of him--either way Lucius remains constant and just). Despite what many people seem to believe Draco is exceptionally good at accepting punishment from many people. If Draco loved his father less he would probably come off a lot better. It's his continuing hope for acceptance that keeps him from standing on his own two feet, imo.
So what you end up with, and what makes Draco so difficult a character to like, is a kid who's completely complicit in his own mistreatment and in fact incapable of seeing it as such. Much L/D fixes ths very aspect of the relationship. It turns Lucius into a simple monster that Draco sees himself as needing to be saved from. It cuts out the real problem, which is that in Draco's world Lucius isn't the monster. If anybody's the monster, it's probably him for being such a failure. Losing Lucius would be the ultimate punishment for him, it seems, the ultimate sign of failure. At the same time, though, I have a hard time understanding fluffy L/D that paints them as having a happy relationship. Draco, in canon, seems clearly happier when he's away from his parents. At school he's energetic, like a dog let off the leash. With his parents he's subdued and controlled. In his one scene with Lucius he's subdued, sulking, hopeless and whining. Fluffy!L/D again fixes the problem by making Draco successful in earning Lucius' love. In canon Draco is never successful.
As for what Draco's like at his core, I still have hope, obviously. Dudley, I think, is ultimately soft--he's a glutton through and through. Draco, imo, has an untapped toughness to him. I would hope Phineas' comment about Slytherins being brave but always choosing to save their own skin would apply to him. I see no shame, for instance, in Draco's running away from Dementors and Voldemort--I much prefer it to Dudley's dropping into a quivering heap and having to be saved by Harry. Backed into a corner, I would hope Draco would fight. I feel like up until now, certainly, Draco has never trusted his own personal strength for good reason. I don't know if he believes himself to have any. Really, that's one of the big differences between him and Fanon!Draco--Fanon!Draco is always his own person. Canon!Draco, imo, doesn't yet have his own life. He's still reacting to others.
Like I said these are just some vague impressions I get from some scenes, but I think there's any number of ways to look at it. It's just none of them are very pleasant.:-)
