Yes, you just hit on two things that really strike me about the whole issue. First that the whole thing about a joker is that there's often the idea that if you said something was hurting you, they would just say, "No it isn't, it's just a joke." And then where are you? If somebody has a string of people who are still suffering the ill-effects of something they've done and they still think it's funny, can that really be said to be a joke? Maybe they still aren't really thinking what they get a kick out of is causing pain, but if you break it down they are. And many times you do see just what you described, people getting more malicious in defense.
And carelessness seems to be predicated on the fact that you don't matter, which can be the cruelest thing of all.
Yes, I feel like that's the easy trap to fall into if you focus too much on it being a joke. I mean, everyone's probably had times where they were meaning to be joking and the other person took them seriously; it's not like all humor or all practical jokes come out of the other person not mattering, but it *can* be about other people not mattering, certainly, especially if there's a history of doing things to people and not really caring.
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Date: 2005-03-17 09:11 pm (UTC)And carelessness seems to be predicated on the fact that you don't matter, which can be the cruelest thing of all.
Yes, I feel like that's the easy trap to fall into if you focus too much on it being a joke. I mean, everyone's probably had times where they were meaning to be joking and the other person took them seriously; it's not like all humor or all practical jokes come out of the other person not mattering, but it *can* be about other people not mattering, certainly, especially if there's a history of doing things to people and not really caring.