(no subject)

[sistermagpie]

Today they called us into the conference room for an "exciting announcement." Knew that couldn't be good. They're moving our offices. We're going to be several blocks more south and more east so the commute's more annoying. I had better still have an office. I love my office now. It's even out of the way so people rarely walk by and I can talk to myself and sing without getting caught too often. There's room for all my toys and stuff. This is so annoying. But I should be grateful that at least I have a job.

Lately I've been reading that excerpt that people had on their lj's about being a writer that talked about writing frantically at 4AM because you just had to get it out. I've heard that kind of description a lot of writers, people saying how they have to write or they feel ill or how they just write like one possessed.

That is, the actual act of writing? I'm pretty sure it was Dorothy Parker who said something like, "I hate writing. I love having written." That's me all over. Obviously I do love to write enough to want to be a professional writer. I'm incredibly thrilled that, with one thing and another, I'm able to support myself writing. I do get excited when I have a new idea and can think about how it will work. But sitting down and writing? Ugh! It's like pulling teeth. Starting is the worst, staring at the blank page. Suddenly the whole idea seems impossible and stupid anyway. I feel great when I've written even a little bit but I better not start re-reading it and feeling good about it because then I have to get started all over again. I have to beat myself with a stick to make myself get something done if I'm not working with a partner or meeting a deadline.

I'm doubly bad when it's my own writing. I'll sit down to work on something original--which is what I should be wanting to write--and then I'll flick to something that's for a job instead just to avoid it. I should feel the opposite way. I should be finding it hard to concentrate on the series work and stories for the magazine because I just want to get back to my own stuff. Instead it's almost like a relief. Maybe because I know I can do that stuff and if it's crap it's not my fault because I've got to conform to the standards of whatever I'm writing for. It's much scarier when you're just saying THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. Coward. Blech.

Comments

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Hi and welcome!

That's exactly how I feel. Maybe too you know sort of what to expect from an assignment. Somebody's asked for it, you know you're going to get feedback. Sometimes you write something original and then it's like...who do I even give this to? Will anyone see it? What on earth are you talking about here and why did you write this?

[foreversended.livejournal.com]

Eh, did I mention I love your icon? Anyway. Yes, the thing is, when I write original fiction I sometimes wonder what's the whole point of it. I mean, will anyone even be interested in it? Which is the reason I've stuck to doing just school assignments for the past few months, or sometimes fanfiction, because it just seems easier, somehow. *is a lazy and incorrigible locust eater* Writing fanfiction is somehow better, for me, because there are well, rules, to stick to, like keeping your characters IC. It sounds pretty dumb, I suppose, because with original fic you get to manipulate the characters however you want, but I guess I sort of like adhering to the rules... or something. :| I'm terribly incoherent.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Nope, I know just what you mean. I write for a couple of mass market series, which is basically like fanfic, and it is much easier having the guidelines laid out. But you still get to be creative.

Btw, the "algae" icon is courtesy of dayafternext on nraged. I could never make such a thing myself!