(no subject)

[sistermagpie]

Today they called us into the conference room for an "exciting announcement." Knew that couldn't be good. They're moving our offices. We're going to be several blocks more south and more east so the commute's more annoying. I had better still have an office. I love my office now. It's even out of the way so people rarely walk by and I can talk to myself and sing without getting caught too often. There's room for all my toys and stuff. This is so annoying. But I should be grateful that at least I have a job.

Lately I've been reading that excerpt that people had on their lj's about being a writer that talked about writing frantically at 4AM because you just had to get it out. I've heard that kind of description a lot of writers, people saying how they have to write or they feel ill or how they just write like one possessed.

That is, the actual act of writing? I'm pretty sure it was Dorothy Parker who said something like, "I hate writing. I love having written." That's me all over. Obviously I do love to write enough to want to be a professional writer. I'm incredibly thrilled that, with one thing and another, I'm able to support myself writing. I do get excited when I have a new idea and can think about how it will work. But sitting down and writing? Ugh! It's like pulling teeth. Starting is the worst, staring at the blank page. Suddenly the whole idea seems impossible and stupid anyway. I feel great when I've written even a little bit but I better not start re-reading it and feeling good about it because then I have to get started all over again. I have to beat myself with a stick to make myself get something done if I'm not working with a partner or meeting a deadline.

I'm doubly bad when it's my own writing. I'll sit down to work on something original--which is what I should be wanting to write--and then I'll flick to something that's for a job instead just to avoid it. I should feel the opposite way. I should be finding it hard to concentrate on the series work and stories for the magazine because I just want to get back to my own stuff. Instead it's almost like a relief. Maybe because I know I can do that stuff and if it's crap it's not my fault because I've got to conform to the standards of whatever I'm writing for. It's much scarier when you're just saying THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. Coward. Blech.

Comments

Re: Writing is easy?

[expetesso.livejournal.com]

I have had a copy of that quote taped to the top of my computer monitor for the last 13 months. When I have been sitting for hours at my desk and have less than a typed page, I will see it and want to cry blood. Of course, any tears are instead clear and a bit shiny and chap my lips if I don't scrub them away with a tissue before continuing, which really does sort of halt whatever miniscule trickle of creativity I did have going.

I've studied writing poetry, and have been a competent one on more than a few occasions. Unfortunately, I write fiction the same way I write poetry -- one agonizing word at a time, unable to skip anything. Which explains why it takes me so bloody long.

You are definitely not alone -- it's far from easy.

Re: Writing is easy?

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I think I may have to do that too--tape it to my computer. Of course I'll probably decide to do it at a time when I'm supposed to be writing so I can procrastinate even more...