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This is kind of a continuation of what ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
samaranth and I were talking about in the last post, and also a post on Aja's anonymous thread.
The anonymous person said this: "I know that if I post something meta-ish about Draco, that at least someone will care enough to read it and maybe to comment, but that if I post about the thing that actually mattered to me on that very day, no one will give a fuck. I feel like I have to cater to my friends-of list and that's why I don't admit that I don't get H/D, that some of my friends' OTP totally annoys me and that my supposed OTP really hasn't me all in knots anymore--and probably never had. I feel like I cannot be who I really am, because no one would like me, if I was. And I wanna be liked."
This post isn't about how this person should feel, but I couldn't help but be struck by how different a pov this represented to me, because s/he is talking about things I've noticed, but reacting to them so differently. I understand what this person is saying, it's just that it makes me feel stressed out just reading about such a situation. Like, I would hate feeling that way and hate having that relationship to my lj. I do post with my flist in mind--I wouldn't post something I thought was insensitive to some of them, for instance--but I don't pretend to be something or think things I don't. I don't mind keeping an opinion to myself if I think it wouldn't be worth the response it would get, but I don't feel like I'm holding my tongue all the time or just saying what I think people want me to say.
If I look at my recent posts, the one that got the most responses was the one on Snape's worst memory. I was overwhelmed (in a good way) by the response to that post, and while I would never have predicted that response I would easily have predicted that that post would get more response than one on something I did that day. But that doesn't make me feel underappreciated. To me it just seems obvious that some posts encourage more discussion and more response. If you're in a fandom you're interested in a canon--you join a fandom to discuss it with others rather than just think about it on your own. So of course bringing up a subject concerning an important, unresolved issue about one of the most complex, interesting canon character (imo) might inspire someone to say something on the subject themselves. Plus, I do have a stereotype in my mind of Snape fans being analytical about human nature, maybe because they're drawn to a character that says so much about it. Anyway, so those were wonderful responses, which were responses to the subject matter and not me personally. For me, though, this isn't a bad thing.
It's not that I can't understand the feeling of rejection if you feel like anytime you ask for a personal response or acknowledgement you don't get one-that's very valid. But I know it's sometimes hard to know what to say to those posts. If you only know someone through meta-discussion you can feel--or at least I know I sometimes feel--like it's presumptuous to say something about something personal, like you're intruding on a conversation between friends. I don't mean it's always about awkwardness; it's just that some posts are obviously conversation pieces and others are more like a journal--I would enjoy reading them but wouldn't feel the urge to get into a dialogue about them. I don't feel like I know most people on lj well enough to suggest a job change or give relationship advice or even offer the correct words of encouragement, not really knowing the situation.
I guess that gets into the whole concept of "friending" and whether or not friending someone means you are wanting to be friends with them. I don't feel like anybody who friends me wants to be my friend. I mean, maybe some of them will become my friend through discussions that lead to other things etc. (like was said in the last post) and that would be great but friending me, I assume, just means you're putting my journal on your friends page. I think it's significant that people refer to these people as their flist or foflist rather than their friends. So because somebody's got me on their page I suppose I think of them not as a friend but more as...my regular readers? My subscribers? That sounds so ridiculous, like I'm the NYTimes, but in a way I guess that is what it's like. You're getting a subscription to a column written by somebody. I suspect how one thinks about that effects how one writes an entry. For instance, the issue of friending Big Name Fanfic Authors came up, and I know someone said, quite accurately, that being a good fanfic writer does not mean one has an interesting journal. It's one thing to friend the journal so as not to miss story updates, but you shouldn't assume you're subscribing to a "column" you're going to like. Maybe that's why some BNFs are accused of being stuck up, because they don't write their lj to be all that interesting to people who don't know them personally. That's more who they write their fic for.
So I guess I was wondering how other people decide what to put in their journal? Do you consider yourself writing to specific people? Or a specific type of people (like the people I interact with on my flist and others like them)? More importantly, how do you/did you decide what to put in your journal? Like, that very first day...did your journal evolve? Did you flail around a while before you got comfortable with your lj voice and content? I know when I went on vacation it took a while to get back into the swing of things.
Every lj has its own style, so it's weird how the same person can mix up personal stuff, musings on things, movies, TV and fandom stuff and have it still be a cohesive lj, but they do. Some people are more real life oriented and that's what their lj is about--but they're still going to touch on fandom things sometimes too. I don't know...I'm just suddenly getting fascinated by the whole weird concept of writing our own little columns, especially when some of us start out really writing to nobody. If you've just started your lj and have barely anyone on a foflist do you still write? I do/did/would. (If a tree falls in the forest...) I wrote big old essays to, iirc. Maybe part of it is that I tend to use this thing to work out things for myself--but things that point to things universal. I think I really appreciate my lj for giving me a reason to write school-type essays now that I'm out of school and have no reason to for credit. And I don't assume, if I get no response, that no one read it. That's a bad assumption to make on the net--reminds me of those people who posted insults about other fandom people and then said they thought it wasn't like putting it up publicly because "nobody reads" their journal, as if they have any way of knowing who's reading.
Yet...I'm making that too extreme. Because there are times when I'll just post about something sucky that's going on or something I'm happy about or something I did...and now I wonder why I'm doing that? Am I hoping for virtual sympathy or trying to feel like I've got loads of friends? I don't think so. Actually, now I think about it, I think I probably post those things with certain people on my flist in mind that I feel like I sort of know. Like, maybe it would seem too dramatic to e-mail this information to someone, but posting in my lj is a way of sharing news in a way that demands less of a person-to-person response. The main thing with me, I think, is that when I post something it means I'm agreeing to share it, not for the response it will or won't get. Though of course I do *want* responses...
Okay, now I'm just babbling.
samaranth and I were talking about in the last post, and also a post on Aja's anonymous thread. The anonymous person said this: "I know that if I post something meta-ish about Draco, that at least someone will care enough to read it and maybe to comment, but that if I post about the thing that actually mattered to me on that very day, no one will give a fuck. I feel like I have to cater to my friends-of list and that's why I don't admit that I don't get H/D, that some of my friends' OTP totally annoys me and that my supposed OTP really hasn't me all in knots anymore--and probably never had. I feel like I cannot be who I really am, because no one would like me, if I was. And I wanna be liked."
This post isn't about how this person should feel, but I couldn't help but be struck by how different a pov this represented to me, because s/he is talking about things I've noticed, but reacting to them so differently. I understand what this person is saying, it's just that it makes me feel stressed out just reading about such a situation. Like, I would hate feeling that way and hate having that relationship to my lj. I do post with my flist in mind--I wouldn't post something I thought was insensitive to some of them, for instance--but I don't pretend to be something or think things I don't. I don't mind keeping an opinion to myself if I think it wouldn't be worth the response it would get, but I don't feel like I'm holding my tongue all the time or just saying what I think people want me to say.
If I look at my recent posts, the one that got the most responses was the one on Snape's worst memory. I was overwhelmed (in a good way) by the response to that post, and while I would never have predicted that response I would easily have predicted that that post would get more response than one on something I did that day. But that doesn't make me feel underappreciated. To me it just seems obvious that some posts encourage more discussion and more response. If you're in a fandom you're interested in a canon--you join a fandom to discuss it with others rather than just think about it on your own. So of course bringing up a subject concerning an important, unresolved issue about one of the most complex, interesting canon character (imo) might inspire someone to say something on the subject themselves. Plus, I do have a stereotype in my mind of Snape fans being analytical about human nature, maybe because they're drawn to a character that says so much about it. Anyway, so those were wonderful responses, which were responses to the subject matter and not me personally. For me, though, this isn't a bad thing.
It's not that I can't understand the feeling of rejection if you feel like anytime you ask for a personal response or acknowledgement you don't get one-that's very valid. But I know it's sometimes hard to know what to say to those posts. If you only know someone through meta-discussion you can feel--or at least I know I sometimes feel--like it's presumptuous to say something about something personal, like you're intruding on a conversation between friends. I don't mean it's always about awkwardness; it's just that some posts are obviously conversation pieces and others are more like a journal--I would enjoy reading them but wouldn't feel the urge to get into a dialogue about them. I don't feel like I know most people on lj well enough to suggest a job change or give relationship advice or even offer the correct words of encouragement, not really knowing the situation.
I guess that gets into the whole concept of "friending" and whether or not friending someone means you are wanting to be friends with them. I don't feel like anybody who friends me wants to be my friend. I mean, maybe some of them will become my friend through discussions that lead to other things etc. (like was said in the last post) and that would be great but friending me, I assume, just means you're putting my journal on your friends page. I think it's significant that people refer to these people as their flist or foflist rather than their friends. So because somebody's got me on their page I suppose I think of them not as a friend but more as...my regular readers? My subscribers? That sounds so ridiculous, like I'm the NYTimes, but in a way I guess that is what it's like. You're getting a subscription to a column written by somebody. I suspect how one thinks about that effects how one writes an entry. For instance, the issue of friending Big Name Fanfic Authors came up, and I know someone said, quite accurately, that being a good fanfic writer does not mean one has an interesting journal. It's one thing to friend the journal so as not to miss story updates, but you shouldn't assume you're subscribing to a "column" you're going to like. Maybe that's why some BNFs are accused of being stuck up, because they don't write their lj to be all that interesting to people who don't know them personally. That's more who they write their fic for.
So I guess I was wondering how other people decide what to put in their journal? Do you consider yourself writing to specific people? Or a specific type of people (like the people I interact with on my flist and others like them)? More importantly, how do you/did you decide what to put in your journal? Like, that very first day...did your journal evolve? Did you flail around a while before you got comfortable with your lj voice and content? I know when I went on vacation it took a while to get back into the swing of things.
Every lj has its own style, so it's weird how the same person can mix up personal stuff, musings on things, movies, TV and fandom stuff and have it still be a cohesive lj, but they do. Some people are more real life oriented and that's what their lj is about--but they're still going to touch on fandom things sometimes too. I don't know...I'm just suddenly getting fascinated by the whole weird concept of writing our own little columns, especially when some of us start out really writing to nobody. If you've just started your lj and have barely anyone on a foflist do you still write? I do/did/would. (If a tree falls in the forest...) I wrote big old essays to, iirc. Maybe part of it is that I tend to use this thing to work out things for myself--but things that point to things universal. I think I really appreciate my lj for giving me a reason to write school-type essays now that I'm out of school and have no reason to for credit. And I don't assume, if I get no response, that no one read it. That's a bad assumption to make on the net--reminds me of those people who posted insults about other fandom people and then said they thought it wasn't like putting it up publicly because "nobody reads" their journal, as if they have any way of knowing who's reading.
Yet...I'm making that too extreme. Because there are times when I'll just post about something sucky that's going on or something I'm happy about or something I did...and now I wonder why I'm doing that? Am I hoping for virtual sympathy or trying to feel like I've got loads of friends? I don't think so. Actually, now I think about it, I think I probably post those things with certain people on my flist in mind that I feel like I sort of know. Like, maybe it would seem too dramatic to e-mail this information to someone, but posting in my lj is a way of sharing news in a way that demands less of a person-to-person response. The main thing with me, I think, is that when I post something it means I'm agreeing to share it, not for the response it will or won't get. Though of course I do *want* responses...
Okay, now I'm just babbling.
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Now that I think about it, I wonder if there are times when people on a flist might assume that they have things in common with someone when they don't, because their posts have gotten that person interested in the thing. Like, I might never imagine that I'd be interested in a certain subject but it's something a person on my flist writes about in a way that I can respond to so I can. You never know if you don't post it and see what happens.
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But like you said, it's not a diary. I'm even a tiny bit self-censoring in my diary, in fact, even though it's not something anyone else is probably going to read. Guess that's just my personality.:-) But I never understand it when people defend putting up something that's gotten an angry with response with something like, "Well, it's my lj so I can write what I want!" Of course you can write what you want but you're writing it publically, not privately. Even if you've just started your lj and there's not a single person on your foflist you're still putting it up publically.
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What you say there about the reasons for friending is very interesting, and I think you summarized it very well when you said that it's sort of like a subscription. In a way, that's why I sort of didn't understand that kerfuffle lately about people friending other people, and the connotations attached to that. Not that I'm saying that other people don't have the right to feel that way, but just that I didn't understand it. When I friend someone, it's usually because I want to read what they're saying, and a flist is a good way to sort of bookmark all the journals in one cohesive place. I don't expect anyone to think that the people on my flist are actually associated with me - not unless they friend me back, which is a tiny bit different, although still not a definitive indicator of something beyond readership here on LJ.
As for what I write... I do know that what I write on LJ has changed since I found my way into the fandom a year ago. Before, I used to write about offline or 'real' life stuff far more often, touching upon what I had done in class or whatever. Somewhere along the line what I write has changed, and does revolve more around Harry Potter centered stuff, or just issues that I think that other people would find interesting - but not just because they find it interesting, but because I find it interesting as well. I don't always find what I did that day terribly exciting - sitting through a lecture on such and such can be quite boring, and telling someone that you found it boring can be just as bad, right? So, I touch on issues that I find interesting.
At the same time, when I feel the need to write about stuff that's going on offline, I do. I post about going home for the holidays, about my grandparents, about friends, etc, whenever I want. Sometimes I cut it, but often that's more out of a need for safety for myself, because my journal is public and as such I never know who's going to wander by and see me talking about where I live, or something like that.
Sometimes I post things that I know will get reactions from specific people, but usually that's more out a desire for discussion than anything else. I post fanfiction to get reaction from people who I know are interested in that sort of thing, glbt news so that I can have a discussion with those who I know follow those issues, and sometimes I have entries that are funny or humourous and aimed at people that I am closer to. But while I do that, I don't feel that I do it because I think I have to - I just want to, that's all. My journal has become more than just a place where I write to myself, it's become also a place where I write to others as well. And your last paragraph is a good summary of that - it's like putting an article in a magazine that you think your readers will like, but that *you* also like. Or something like that.
Hehe. This has been a very long reply, so I will stop now. :)
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Glad to have ya!
When I friend someone, it's usually because I want to read what they're saying, and a flist is a good way to sort of bookmark all the journals in one cohesive place.
Me too. And for me it's not even an accurate list of ljs I read regularly, because there are foflist and other ljs I read regularly that aren't on my flist for whatever weird reason.
I don't always find what I did that day terribly exciting - sitting through a lecture on such and such can be quite boring, and telling someone that you found it boring can be just as bad, right?
I'm the same way, usually. Also I'm pretty paranoid about putting something up if it would be weird for someone I know to come across it, so I end up agonizing over the smallest bit of personal info. I did a while back start keeping a regular diary where I tried to jot down things that I did during the day and that's been good for me because my life's more productive than I would have thought, really! That is, I can usually come up with something that got done that day or something interesting that happened, even if it was justa particularly funny conversation with people I know. But that's not something I feel like repackaging for others.
I will post something personal if I can relate it to other people, I think. Like, there are some people on my flist who post little things in their day that are still very public because they're funny, or people can relate...it's just part of the character of the subject of the lj.
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I just looked back over my last 40 entries. About 85% of what I put in my LJ are things I want people to read (my stories, recs of other people's stories, meta fannish essays, links to interesting news articles, reviews and critiques) - and sure, I want to hear responses. I want to know what people thought of the stories they read or how their thoughts about some aspect of fannish politics or character analysis differes from my own. The other 15% of my entries? Just for me, really (frustration with student essays, happiness over gifts, that sort of thing), although a lot of those are in locked posts so my list doesn't have to suffer through them. :)
What I *don't* put in my journal, as a rule, is anything that requires advice of a personal nature (health, job, love life, etc.) - but that's not because it's LJ in particular; I tend not to solicit advice on those things in my offline life, either. This is not to say I'm a particularly private person. I share a lot about my offline life on LJ and a goodly number of my f'list are real life friends (although mostly people who've become friends through fandom).
The other thing I tend not to use my LJ for is anything that smacks of taking sides in fannish disputes. It's not that I don't have opinions about those disputes (often I have people on both sides of the divide on my f'list), but while I consider myself an honest person, I think I may also have a case of middle-child mediator syndrome without being a middle child (either that, or Switzerland Syndrome). This doesn't translate, though, to not expressing my thoughts about *things* (as opposed to people). If I want to say I don't get Lucius/Draco incest stories, I will, regardless of how many people on my f'list are incest story fans. And if I want to post political entries, I will, even if some of my list hate my opinions (it's less likely for that to happen in a fannish environment than in many other venues, but still...)
And now that I've hi-jacked your LJ, I shall go away. *g*
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(and wasn't there a huge kerfuffle in qaf about switzerland&poland?)
maybe we need to find another neutral country. LOL.
i so wanna meet you now more than ever, b/c i've heard and read nothing but compliments about you in the last few days...not that dana hadn't been making me all jealous before
...how about the calm eye of the hurricane (if i were to go with local metaphors :-)
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But I realized today in a conversation that I use the journal in many ways to evolve my thoughts. painless_j, i think, called my journal something that needs to be read in context, and i thought that was a wonderful compliment :-) i am interested in certain ideas and i use this space to bounce off my ideas and see where i go wrong and where i need to rethink. As a result, I often reference previous posts whether consciously or just by alluding to certain ideas. That's the very selfish part of my lj.
At the same time I do want to entertain. I don't need long comments (though I certainly don't mind them :-), but I'm happy to know that someone read it, that I maybe even made someone think.
And then I do use it as an outlet for personal issues. I complain about my life and what's going on and yes, do enjoy the fact that if something bad happens, a whole bunch of people feel enough for me or my lj persona to post a comment. I find that immediate support system a very important point of lj. And it *is* a quick way to share news--and you're right...I post it as a mass mail to certain people and the rest are kind of reading it coincidentally (or not :-) I ask myself before every post if it's worth posting...and not in a horrible 'noone wants to hear my woe' way but in a 'would i like to read yet another post about this' way. do onto others... :-)
As for friending...i have friends that i know in rl or have spent a lot of time with online and even if their lj's bore me, i keep them on, b/c i wanna know what's going on in their lives; but for everyone else, the interest factor is key. [And I'm pretty sure I brought up the BNF whose journal bore me so why would I friend them point *g*...b/c seriously...why??? I want communication, and I've defriended people when i realize they do not respond to comments...I don't expect everyone to do that...but I don't want to comment in someone's lj who does.]
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As a result, I often reference previous posts whether consciously or just by alluding to certain ideas. That's the very selfish part of my lj.
I definitely do the same thing--and sometimes I do worry it's demanding. For instance, this post references the last one, but I hope people don't take that to mean they have to study up before reading this one. It's more just that I can't separate anything. One thought grows out of another, or more often out of a comment someone else made. In fact I suspect many of my entries start off with some version of, "Somebody said something interesting in another lj today that made me think about..."
I ask myself before every post if it's worth posting...and not in a horrible 'noone wants to hear my woe' way but in a 'would i like to read yet another post about this' way. do onto others... :-)
Yup! That is just how I feel. It's funny because I rarely get impatient with people for having a favorite subject on their lj--to me that seems natural. If it's not something I can relate to or really understand I feel like I can just skim it and get the jist or whatever. But there have been times when I've thought about something and then thought, "Is that too close to something else I posted? Am I just sounding obsessive?" I'm, like, actively pleased when I'm inspired to post something with a little bit of novelty, though the problem is--as a post below gets into and it really excites me--that everything is going to come back to my issues eventually, so it's all linked up.
But I'm all about the communication as well--I just realized it, but I think I have a different feeling reading an lj of someone I've had some communication with than someone I haven't. I'm pretty bold about commenting, and I think I probably do get an idea about where my relationship with a particular lj is going to go based on the response I get.
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I guess my rule is that I post the sort of things that I like seeing in other people's ljs! So I figure that the people whose ljs I find interesting will also find mine interesting. Of course it doesn't always work that way, exactly, but I suppose you could say that the audience I write for is me.
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Heh--that seems so simple, but it's very true. Surely most people gravitate towards the ljs that are a style they like and then naturally post those sorts of things in their own journals. I suppose the only exceptions would be if you friend a writer because you like his/her work--for updates or for whatever reason--and now you're exposed to an lj you might not have chosen for yourself otherwise. But that's not always a bad thing.
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It does frustrate me when people don't seem to think about the content of their posts, or even the volume of them - it probably sounds silly, but I've not-friended people because they post multiple times a day and I just don't have the time to read them going OMG! This great song's on the radio! as a one-liner.
The funny thing about your post is that it reminded me how I initially got a LJ code just in order to be able to respond to other people's comments, and then decided I'd use my journal to rec stories. Until a few months ago, that was mostly what I did and now I don't seem to find that many stories to rec, as well as have lost some of my rec'ing fervour, and it has crossed my mind that maybe some people who friended me on the basis of my rec'ing might be getting impatient. I don't know. Nowadays it feels more like I'm interacting with a core group of people, and because fandom is primarily about fun for me, and most of these people are really fun, I post with them in mind. That is, in terms of setting up what I hope will be a conversation. I don't want to write into a void, and I really hate it when a topic garners no responses.
-brodie
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Yes!!! That's an excellent way of putting what I was trying to say. B/c for me it's *all* about the dialogue...
And just like in RL you can't always call your friends and only talk about yourself, lj needs to be a give and take, i think...
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I definitely find that when I'm writing on my own lj, I'm often conscious about who might read it, and sometimes who would be interested or whatnot...because I hate offending people >_< And it's always nice to get responses to entries, because it could tell you that someone was actually interested in what you had to say ^^*
But as for the actual content, and the whole concept about flists and everything...well, personally, I'm super-shy in RL, I mean like seriously shy; sometimes I wonder if that carries into my lj when I write, because I do write about moderately personal things at times, and when I don't I throw little bits of info on my personal life into my entries, but more often lately I've been writing about things relating to fanon/canon of HP, etc. However, I think this has simply been because of what I have found interesting lately (and have actually been able to express ^^*).
Lol, but I do see the Flist thing as a deal of "friends" in the general sense of the world...it's why I'm always really unsure about friending people ('cause I'm also a bit insecure). Because then said flist can see even personal locked posts that others wouldn't exactly be able to, and...huh, I've noticed that it's really complicated. *sighs and shrugs* LJ is funny; I haven't been here long, but I do like it...I'm just sometimes confused by how exactly it works ^^*
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I definitely know what you mean there. I'm shy about friending people too, and sometimes I ask myself why because I don't feel anybody friending me is an act of aggression or anything. (And this is coming from somebody who tends to react to a ringing phone as if it's an act of aggression, so that says something.) I don't feel like the person is making a demand of me--which is probably why I'm surprised when people have a policy of friending someone and then defriending if they're not friended back. Maybe because I know how long it takes me to friend people even if I'm not sure why that is. (Sometimes I think I'll assume I have someone friended when I don't!)
But I've read other people say that it's rude to not friend someone who friends you, which surprises me. I don't think I've ever made a flocked post, but I think the idea of having someone on your friends list to please anyone but yourself is kind of oppressive. In fact I seem to recall a kerfuffle a while back that dealt with that--a person aggressively demanded to be friended and then was nasty or dishonorable with a flocked post, something like that. I can't remember. I just remember being appalled at the idea of someone being bullied into friending someone, even though my own lj is pretty much open to all.
friending and defriending, why is there such a big fuss?
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I don't know, I'm feeling incredibly self-absorbed writing this, for some reason, but you did ask.;-)
Though I guess I can sympathise, I must admit I have a hard time understanding the annonymous comment you're refering to, because it would really not occur to me to post things that I didn't really believe in, myself. Maybe it is because I feel very strongly that I am what I think, and if I posted thoughts, I didn't believe in myself, just because I thought other persons wanted to hear them, and would like me better for them, then I would feel like I betrayed myself, somehow. I think few things in life are sadder, than being liked/loved for who you're not.
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I didn't believe in myself, just because I thought other persons wanted to hear them, and would like me better for them, then I would feel like I betrayed myself, somehow. I think few things in life are sadder, than being liked/loved for who you're not.
Hee--here's a personal story. I started keeping a diary one week when I had the flu when I was ten. When I was in jr. high I went through this phase where I sort of adopted this persona in my diary that was completely fake. I think I thought I sounded tough or cool or something, which was...not me. Anyway, I think I remember having some idea that when I looked back at the stuff I might believe this was me--when I was old, you know, like 30 or something.:-) But when I read it? All I remember is the real story of what I was feeling at that time and all I think is what an idiot I sound like.:-) Maybe this is why I find some of the NA posts so interesting--some of the characters adopt this fake persona the same way. Still it's a relief when I get to ninth grade and start acting like myself again--it's literally like I might as well start an entry with, "Okay, I'm back."
And come to think of it, that time of my life pretty much coincides with the time I completely gave up any idea of trying to fit in and be popular, which was a good thing. I mean, I had friends in high school and all, I just realized that not only would I never be one of the popular group (or The Sponges as they were called in my later years at school) but I really didn't want to be. What a relief, becuase it is betraying yourself! Ever since then I've always thought if I was going to be disliked I might as well be honest, because I'd be far more frustrated by being disliked for something that was false.
From:
ramblings
Content=wise? It's not so much a struggle to get attention as a hesitation before I offend someone. My flist is so diverse now... and I'm pretty sure I'm on everyone's filter, LOL. But that's posting volume, not content. As for content, I try to be very clear about it on my user-info. I jump from topic to topic. I do not censor myself except for length and sometimes intended audience (see below). It is a fandom journal, and my flist reflects that, but I make no apologies for the color of my fangirl, so to speak. Why should I? I've already signed my warrant to wear the "fanatic" label, but then, I tend to be fanatic about the canon, and not the fandom. I don't officially belong to any fandom.
In fact I have the parallel problem, even with close online friends: the ones I keep close are the ones who aren't offended when I switch fandoms. It's amazing how many people (at least, in my perception) suddenly feel hurt and abandoned when I abandon their fandoms. That's a little offensive, come to think of it. It's like, so what did you like me for, anyway? The Joe Pesci voice kicks in, "Am I funny, like a clown, ha-ha?" On the other hand, it's also scary that they've formed a relationship with this persona while the Actual Shu (tm) is off doing something totally different.
Or, posting on my personal friends-locked LJ. Which actually doesn't differ much from shusu, except it's like the raw feed into my life. I don't mind sharing it, I just know most people don't want to see it. I even backdate it as a rule, so it doesn't show up on flist. I like to think it's subtly different from self-censoring to keep one's audience. To me it's a courtesy thing *for* one's audience, not to load people's lives with unnecessary stress. (Not that I do very well in that area.)
That response you quoted strikes me as a really young emotional age. How awful and sad that the very worst of high school societal pressures can be replicated on LJ and fandom. Suddenly popularity has a number, and it's the comment count, it's the friends-of stat. De-friending is as bad as defenestration. Personally that doesn't hit me as hard because what I keep on shusu is a persona and not a person. If I want to invite judgment about my personal life, then I post it. But when you're young or young souled, those boundaries aren't as developed. The peer pressure turns into something palpable and unmanageable.
Columns, yes. That is the reality of blogs. I think the friends access thing makes it seem more intimate, and lets us skip over the work of trolling blog networks, and actually putting ourselves out there for worldwide commentary. It's the illusion of paper-wall privacy.
At the same time, it is a popularity contest at the heart of it, isn't it? That's partly why I hide my friends-of stat. People are free to come in and say, 'gosh, 130 friends, but I bet no one reads her entries.' But that also makes me free to *not* compete with anyone else for friends-of counts.
One upshot is that with my readership what it is, I don't fling around other people's private business on my LJ. If I do, it's filtered very selectively and I do try to be responsible about it. Otherwise, gosh. Shusu is an open book and she has the journal to prove it.
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Re: ramblings
I find that there are some entries people will make on lj about fandoms I don't follow where I can't follow the entry, and that doesn't really bother me. I just figure this is an entry I can't really respond to. But I don't feel like people should feel guilty about drifting interest. One thing that's maybe weird about this lj is that the flist is sort of equal HP and LOTR, and I always hope if I post about one or the other it's not in such a way that there's nothing a person outside that fandom couldn't follow if they were inclined to read it. Sometimes I'll just use them for references in general topics and there I always hope people know they don't have to know that canon to follow the topic.
But again, some people can talk about something I don't know in such a way that makes me get it anyway, or even be interested in checking it out for myself. Really, it's just the lingo and the characters that are unfamiliar. If it's plugged into a wider idea of slash or fanfic or archetypes or heroes I should be able to follow it just fine.
The public foflist is another one of those aspects of lj that almost seems designed to make everybody think back to jr. high, doesn't it? It's like, "Does hiding it show you don't care and it's not important? Or is it making even more of a big deal of it to hide it because that's what super popular people would do?" You know there are people who obsess over it either way.:-)
Re: ramblings
From:From:
no subject
This journal that I'm using to comment is one I created solely for fandom purposes (mostly HP at the moment, but that may change). I did this because my flist and foflist in my personal journal is composed mainly of non-fen, and though I do not feel the need to censor myself, I know that the vast majority of them would have no interest in my fannish musings and ficcings, and would prefer that I not spam their friends pages with it. So that's merely a matter of courtesy. Locking those posts would achieve that aim, but would also prevent other fen not on my flist from finding things that be interesting/relevant to them. By the same token, the info page for snapelicious states that this is strictly a fandom journal, but links to my personal journal, so people who wish to hear about me may do so.
It also gave me a place to collect a fen flist where their posts wouldn't be lost in the behemoth that is my personal flist (LJ's custom friends groups don't seem to be reliable in their filtering, so I preferred not to go that route). I admit that I added the majority of the fen for their fannish posts, not their personal lives, but personal posts also give a bit of perspective on why this person sees the canon/fanon the way they do and gives more insight into their fics.
And everyone wants feedback. :) It's not just you.
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no subject
But I especially love this part: I admit that I added the majority of the fen for their fannish posts, not their personal lives, but personal posts also give a bit of perspective on why this person sees the canon/fanon the way they do and gives more insight into their fics.
ajhalluk, for instance, posts fandom-relevant items quite often, but she (he?) also posts quite often about real life, and analyses television shows and her current reading list. This lets me understand her approach to HP in general in a way I otherwise wouldn't.
...because that's exactly how I feel, I think. It's what it's all about for me, seeing how it all links together. Thinking back I realize I have shared some personal stories here--and usually I do it because it helps explain a larger point. And I also post about books I'm reading if I have something to say about them, and nearly always about movies I've seen and TV shows. That, to me, is one of the nicest ways to get insight into people, to see how they view art in general--what draws them, what characters they like, how they interpret things. Eventually you really can see a consistent personality. I suspect those ljs do become pleasant to read in ways than some others might not.
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no subject
But sometime last year, I met more and more people in the fandom and made some real friends (because I agree with your view on a friendslist. To me, that has little to do with friends, but more with being a reader.) My flist grew, as did my foflist, and while seeing more different types of journals, I found a purpose for my own journal as well. It's sort of my own personal fandom archive.
Most of my posts relate to fandom in one way or another (fics, musings, recs, links, etc), and the main reason I post all of that is so I have an easy way to access the fandom things that matter to me. But before I started to post recs, I asked if people on my flist were interested in them, seeing that I could just as well have created a doc for them in on my hard drive to cater my own needs. But plenty of people were interested, so I decided to go public with recs and links.
So, yeah, I guess I do cater to my foflist's needs, to a certain extend, but primarily it is my lj, and I post what I find interesting. There are things I will never post on my lj, though: personal attacks and rants. I do rant, occasionally, but never about a person. I find people who believe that since there is a certain anonymity to being a name on a screen, it's okay to bite someone's head off over nothing very, very annoying. I've been on the receiving end a few times myself, and as I rule, I don't friend people who posts such things in their journal, because it annoys me to no end.
My lj is my 'voice' in this small corner of the fandom, I guess, and I'm here to have fun and get in touch with fellow fans, and I suppose that reflects on my type of posts as well. I love this fandom, mostly, and show that in several different ways on my journal.
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no subject
I remember when I first started reading lj there was one journal I used to read for updates and the person seemed to forever be posting cryptic messages about people who were somehow attacking her or holding her hand throughout all the personal attacks. I don't think it would have bothered me even as much if she'd just said what was going on, but instead she wouldn't name names or really say anything and then, I felt, expected people to take her side. She wasn't being discreet, I felt, just titilating.
I know sometimes people have to let off steam in their ljs and I'm fine with someone just posting that, say, a person in their personal life is pissing them off, or they're having a fight with someone who knows who they are. But at least it's a direct disagreement, saying, "X, you are making me angry because you did this," or whatever that isn't demanding everyone else get involved. I'm willing to let anybody have their say about something that's going on in their life, and if they're involved in something they can certainly post about it, but when an lj is going to be about personal attacks or side-taking I think you can usually sense it.
I feel like an instinct for avoiding that, or even just an instinct that draws you towards ljs that aren't about that, probably has something to do with having a more positive experience--though once anybody gets known in any way they're probably more open to personal attacks, unfortunately.
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no subject
I have been on LJ now for over 2 years now and its purpose for me has changed little. Basically to serve as a record of memories, dreams and reflections for myself as well as a place to share elements of this and day-to-day updates/notices with a few others. My flist was originally a group of friends - co-writers within a long standing Hogwarts pbem and has grown slowly to include others some attracted by my interests or from RPs I am involved with. I went through a period of reviewing LJs and gained a few friends from that.
I agree with what you have written here about the BNF and the same extends to other areas of special interest where a journal writer has a 'name'. Writing naturally and without regard to who may be reading is almost impossible.
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no subject
Yes--and it sounds like your starting out with the idea of a journal to a limited number of people with whom you already had something in common probably gave your lj a shape right away. I've found that the more I converse with people, the more subjects open up to me as possible topics. For instance, I've written some things on writing in general, since I know there are a lot of writers on my lists who also have interesting things to say about writing. Maybe I should do an entry where I ask everybody about something on their interests list, what their connection to it is, etc.
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no subject
-i agree with why u friend people. some of my friends are friends in RL. others, like this journal, are people who i've 'seen around' and who's stuff i like
-as to what i write/why i write - some fandom/academic stuff, more for a place to put that kind of thing than anything else. also RL stuff, to keep in touch with RL friends. i'm going away for a year in september (part of my course) so my LJ will be good then.
-the only way i'm aware of my readership, such as it is, is that i sometimes don't post things coz of the RL people who read it. not fandom stuff, RL stuff. if that makes sense.
-as to people leaving me comments and stuff...it'd be nice if more people did, but i'm new on LJ, so i guess i'm still building up a network :-)
jx
From:
no subject
LOL! Yes, that's lj all right...
as to what i write/why i write - some fandom/academic stuff, more for a place to put that kind of thing than anything else.
As weird as it sounds, I do think that's a really important part of lj. There really isn't any other place to put this kind of thing. You could just write it down for yourself, but it really is meant to be discussed and hashed out. It's kind of like I said about having an excuse to write school papers now that I'm out of school. (And since I'll be paying my student loans for the next 40 years anyway, I should be able to do that!)
also RL stuff, to keep in touch with RL friends. i'm going away for a year in september (part of my course) so my LJ will be good then.
Hey, that could be like a whole new era on your lj.:-) It sounds like a great place to keep a record for yourself of the trip as well. Where are you going? I'm kind of jealous without even knowing..
-the only way i'm aware of my readership, such as it is, is that i sometimes don't post things coz of the RL people who read it. not fandom stuff, RL stuff. if that makes sense.
Me too. Even though there aren't too many RL people reading my lj (and even they started out online before moving into RL), I always figure they could stumble across it.
-as to people leaving me comments and stuff...it'd be nice if more people did, but i'm new on LJ, so i guess i'm still building up a network :-)
Yeah, that's the way it works! And I think commenting in communities or on ljs is probably the best way to do that--I'm always clicking on people who make interesting comments.:-)
(no subject)
From:From:
no subject
I'm an opinionated person, but I always try not to force anyone to read my posts. I put big parts of them under a cut and warn my flist what they are about. To put it right - mostly, I post exactly what I think, although I always try not to hurt anyone's feelings. I know that it doesn't seem so when you look at my journal, but I'm actually someone who hates to pick up fights and prefers to be friendly with anyone, at least as friendly as possible. I haven't defriended anyone except a couple of people who haven't friended me back anyway when my flist was getting out of control, and a couple of people who defriended me first.
I consider only one person from my flist to be a 'real' friend - the others are, as you said, people I find interesting. I read their journals because I'm interested in what they have to say.
I can't say that I understand this anonymous person's statement. I've put a special warning on my journal that H/G shippers, if they choose to friend it, won't like it much - if a H/G shipper friends me, he/she will know that I'm not a fan of the ship and will have to cope with it. Some of my friends hate H/Hr and say so, but this isn't a reason for me to defriend them. As long as he/she doesn't state that the war in Iraq is a good thing or that homosexuality is wrong, I don't see why anyone would hate her if he/she says that H/D isn't his/her cup of tea.
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no subject
Actually, I do think your lj shows you consider other people's feelings--but some people think considering someone's feelings means agreeing with them, which it doesn't. I don't ever feel like I have to agree with you over an issue, and as I said above somewhere, I think it makes a difference that you post your opinions as your opinions. You hate H/G. You probably always will. If you changed your mind about that (*tries to picture that and can't*) you'd post that too, and probably admit that you had come to see things differently and maybe saw things wrong before if you felt that way.
Really, it's probably only making things worse that the Anon person isn't being honest. It sounds like his/her friends' continued OTP has started to seem fake--which isn't surprising since his/her own was fake. Maybe some of them are faking it too, and if she admitted it they'd agree with relief. But then, perhaps they are being honest and if that's the case his/her annoyance will probably end up coming out inappropriately.
It's weird, though--this is making me remember that thread at FAP after the JKR shippers where a person kept saying all the D/Hr shippers had to stick together in the face of this crisis--with attitudes like that I guess I can see why someone might feel like voicing some doubts might get people angry at them!
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no subject
That's very true. I have written such posts and read such posts, and I agree that it's often difficult to know what to say, even if I knew the writer well. My personal experience is that when I write such posts, I'm not so much asking for reassurance and sympathy, or advice, but just writing my thoughts down. So, I think that often then real purpose of such posts isn't necessarily what it seems to be. Maybe the writer him/herself doesn't actually even know what the purpose of the post is. It may seem that the purpose is to ask for advice when in reality the writer just wants sympathy. (I think women especially do that, both in lj and in real life conversations.)
Like
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no subject
I agree--I remember reading once that one of the problems of communication with men and women was that often women talked about their problems wanting support and men naturally responded by telling her what to do to fix things:-)
I don't think I ever really have a response I *need* to get to personal posts. I mean, the worst that could happen would be no response and I'd live. Or I suppose a mean response and while that might hurt my feelings--still, I'd live. Sometimes it's just nice to say things are sucky and have people say, "Damn, that sounds like it sucks." But maybe some journals seem to want more and it just makes people uncomfortable. It makes me wonder if those people don't do that in real life as well, and have no sense of appropriate intimacy there either.
At first it felt really weird to write anything. It was like I had this huge blank space and didn't know how to begin.
LOL--I know! And I sort of felt that way after going on vacation too. There's times where you just think, "What on earth am I doing here?" But I'll be happy to see how yours develops! Because they can really be great once you get in a routine or get on a roll about something!
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no subject
Some stuff gets locked further - after a particularly invasive anonymous comment, for instance, I started locking all family-related posts way down until the casual reader of my LJ probably doesn't even realize that I have a family. Mostly, though, I pretend that no one who's not on my friends list reads my journal, and proceed from there. By now it may even be the truth, though I have one LJ-less friend and always seem to get a couple of anon comments when I post about extensive HP-related ramblings. I wish they'd sign their names, because I find anon comments rather unnerving.
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no subject
Your lj was the first one I read, I think. I found it because you posted the inserts to Rain on it. That must have been mirasfics, and somehow I got to the other one from there. I liked the mix of personal and fandom stuff--and I think maybe part of the reason was that the personal stuff wasn't overly personal. For instance, thinking about it now, I like the fact that in speaking about the Gothlet I didn't feel like you were being condescending or demeaning or invading her privacy. She was, like, a colorful character in the life described on your lj but in a way that obviously respected that IRL she was her own person, not just a creation of you, if that makes sense.
I assume that's probably related to writing to your friends-list, because that's the way you would talk to them.
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found your post through a foflist
I post what interests me; I don't expect anyone to comment, ever, actually, but am pleasantly surprised when someone does.
I'm a multifandom kinda fan, so I imagine a good percentage of folks I've mutually friended skim past many of my posts as not being relevant to their fannish interests. I do post links I think my flist will like, but they are also of interest to me.
And about the responding to personal posts of those they don't know well/don't know at all: I probably do more of that than most people because if they really wanted to make the posts private, they'd friends-lock it. OTOH, sometimes I have nothing intelligent to say beyond some version of "I hear your pain/I'm listening."
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Re: found your post through a foflist
Being multi-fandom can probably give you a good perspective a lot of the time. This journal is sort of bi-fandom I guess, but probably if I felt like people were demanding a certain subject of post I'd get stubborn and not post it to assert my independence.
And about the responding to personal posts of those they don't know well/don't know at all: I probably do more of that than most people because if they really wanted to make the posts private, they'd friends-lock it. OTOH, sometimes I have nothing intelligent to say beyond some version of "I hear your pain/I'm listening."
Yeah, and I think sometimes that's enough. I do try to post something in those kinds of threads, especially if I know the person and most especially if the person doesn't most like that regularly. I remember a post that
From:
no subject
I like this – it sounds just right. Making that first entry was really like casting words to the wind.
I’m not really a good example of any of this, because I drifted in here in the footsteps of a lot of people that I’d come to know in another forum (you know!), and we all seemed to cross-friend automatically. The couple I’ve added after that have been the ones I’ve read and liked, but as a rule of thumb I’m pretty wary of adding to my friends list. One reason is I don’t have time to read a lot of different LJs every day, and the priority has to be on reading and commenting (if I’ve got something to say!) on the ones I’ve got. The friends list is a convenience thing, it’s a little bit like the news clips we subscribe to at work…all the things relevant to me in one handy location.
But I would not presume that if someone has ‘friended’ me, it means they want to ‘make friends’. And vice versa. I don’t see LJ as a means of ‘making friends’, althought that may happen. It’s a forum for the exchange of experiences and ideas, more than anything.
The main thing with me, I think, is that when I post something it means I'm agreeing to share it, not for the response it will or won't get. Though of course I do *want* responses...
Yes, precisely. Generally it’s not a seeking of advice or even sympathy. But if I do post something that verges on the personal and awful, it’s as much about creating awareness of the things that might affect the day to day running of my life. As well as that, it gives me a place to try and pin down my own responses/attitude to whatever It is in as neutral a way as I can scrape up.
(I love receiving responses. It’s not the primary reason I write, but there’s a whole lot of joy at being able to spin words into something with meaning to someone else.)
BTW the way we use the lj tags – especially putting things behind cuts – is an interesting way of warning readers to proceed at their own risk. I use cuts a lot, so that I don’t clutter up other people’s friends pages, and also so that they can see by the giveaway phrase the general nature of the content.
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no subject
LOL--I think my first entry was something like, "Tap tap tap. Is this thing on?"
One reason is I don’t have time to read a lot of different LJs every day, and the priority has to be on reading and commenting (if I’ve got something to say!) on the ones I’ve got. The friends list is a convenience thing, it’s a little bit like the news clips we subscribe to at work…all the things relevant to me in one handy location.
::snort:: And when one of those ljs is mine you've pretty much signed away your whole reading time! There are tons of ljs that interest me but I'm very slow to friend a lot of the time. I think it's the same thing that makes me not want to subscribe to a lot of magazines.
BTW the way we use the lj tags – especially putting things behind cuts – is an interesting way of warning readers to proceed at their own risk. I use cuts a lot, so that I don’t clutter up other people’s friends pages, and also so that they can see by the giveaway phrase the general nature of the content.
I'm a huge fan of cut tags for that reason. I mean, a lot of my entries are just too long to not cut, but I think a lot of what I do in posting is to hopefully give the impression that nobody should feel obligated to read. As much as I love to know people read and as much as I love responses, I'd rather have people not read than feel like this lj is a chore. In a way I think that's part of the good thing about having a high comment count or flist, not that it means you're popular but because it might make readers feel more anonymous. Like, if somebody posts an interesting entry that doesn't get responses I often do feel like I should respond. Not because I feel sorry for them or whatever, just because it was a good entry, though maybe I might not have really had a response if I didn't make an effort to come up with one. Some people naturally resopnd more often and other people lurk more.
(no subject)
From:From:
no subject
This is an odd coincidence, because I've been thinking about my own LJ's content recently myself. I don't want to start up a second "personal" journal, and keep this one fandom (this one started as a fandom journal, with a personal journal hosted elsewhere - it didn't work for long), but I do feel something of an obligation to my f-list to keep my LJ as fandom oriented as possible. And sometimes, I simply can't do that. During a longish period of writer's block, like the one I'm coming out of now, I write about nothing but my life, because that's all that's going on. I'm still reading fic, keeping up with fandom news, and so on, but I'm less likely to post about it - my recs are few and far between anyway. Between that and being a very slow writer, it's either talking about my life, talking about how slowly the latest fic is progressing, or nothing. And I'm a bit compulsive - I don't like posting nothing. :)
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a dilemma that comes up semi-regularly for me. I can't always talk about fandom; sometimes the fandom things I DO have to say have already been covered by people a lot faster than me. :) And yet, I know those people friended me for fandom content. I don't get complaints, but I definitely notice the drop in comments when I'm talking about my day or whatever. I realise it's not all that interesting to everyone else. So, do I treat my LJ as a personal journal with occasional fandom content, and people take what they get, or do I post with an audience in mind? My first reaction is the former, but I don't particularly wish to disappoint.
And all I've done here is raise more questions - great. :-/ Anyone got any suggestions (besides writing faster - I'm trying. :D)?
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no subject
But as other people have said in the comments, you'd be surprised at how you can come to like personal journals, or even different subjects someone becomes interested in. I really like it when I start picking up a thing or two from someone's journal about something I wouldn't know anything about otherwise.
It can be hard, I guess, to not view the comment count as a sort of, "How my doin'?" But otoh you know you can't please everyone all the time. One person might want more of the stuff they originally friended you for, another person may want to move on. I think if you know you're going for a personal journal that people take what they can get from, at least you're not relying on the interest of others to feel like the lj's worthwhile, you know?
(no subject)
From:From:
no subject
I talk about both fandom and RL stuff in my LJ, though it tends to be more RL these days. Usually when I talk about fandom stuff, it's in someone else's journal. I look at my LJ as kind of a daily update - like if I had someone else at home, the kinds of comments I would make to them over dinner. What was interesting that day, like that.
I'm afraid it's part of my personality type that I covet feedback. And when I don't get it, I do assume no one reads my posts. It's just how I am. And apparently I find myself far more amusing than other people do. :p On other people's LJs I try to comment if I can think of something to say, just to let them know I'm reading.
I do think about my folist when I post. I shy away from controversial subjects, politics, religion... I suspect that a lot of my folist would disagree with me, and I fear being defriended over it. I also don't talk about kerfuffles and such, because I feel like I have to be "above the fray" here, for some reason - I guess because my flist includes people from different sides of the fence. I shuffle that stuff off to my JF journal.
Basically, I'm too emotionally needy for the LJ format but at the same time I realize it and so constantly remind myself not to take things personally. Sometimes it gets to be too much and I need a break, but so far, obviously, I manage to get things into perspective and come back.
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no subject
And you know, I think the key thing isn't that you can't be emotionally needy or need to have a thick skin. You just have to be aware of what you're bringing into things, probably, what expectations etc. I mean, knowing that you're shying away from certain subjects and why...whereas other people really want to post controversial subjects. You both want feedback, but different kinds.
When I started, I imagined writing considered, interesting essays about fandom things and RL things. It hasn't happened. I can discuss something a lot, but I'm more of an off-the-cuff, concise remark kind of person. (This is why I love chat and am very sad none of my friends IM anymore.)
LOL! Yeah, whoever you think you're going to be with your lj, you end up yourself! It's funny you mentioned chat because that's a whole area I feel out of myself. I never think to be on it, and can't usually think of times when I can be on it because I need to have a block of time when I'm going to be on and then get off. There was a brief period when I was on it a lot and got no sleep and got nothing done! And also, I'm the opposite with the concise comments. I seem to be forever trying to type some big paragraph, all the while thinking, "God, why did I feel the need to tell a story that requires explanation?"
I'm the Sean Astin of chat.
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here via tinderblast
Hmmm. I think I made a similar point to the one I'm about to make here in response to something [Bad username or site: chaos rose @ livejournal.com] posted last week, a sarcastic list of rules for becoming a BNF which included the advice "never talk about anything un-fannish in your lj" or something of the sort:
The thing is, as a reader of other people's ljs I am always hoping for real-life content. Not that I don't love the recs and the drabbles (could do with a little less of the squee and the memes, but whatever) but what I've come to love is the opportunity to gaze over the shoulders of midwives and lawyers and translators at work -- hiya
So my posts -- I just went through the last 40 to check -- are pretty shamelessly about my life, with fannish content tossed in only where it occurs to me, as part of my life. And I'm always happy to talk with anyone who comments on them, but my sense of self-worth is not at all invested in anyone reading them or discussing them. But then in my life as an academic I publish a lot, so I get that kind of ego gratification elsewhere. So, this is just my own lj practices here, not saying how anyone else should or should not feel or behave. And this is why I'll always be a Small Name Fan.
But, also, I don't think it would be emotionally healthy for me to separate out my life as a fan from all the other parts of my life. Kinda alienating, you know? I can see where that might not be true for everyone, and also know people who for career or personal reasons absolutely must keep their fan lives walled off from the rest of their lives. So it's only my own psyche I'm talking about here, not a prescription for everyone else!
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Re: here via tinderblast
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I joined livejournal because my friend (
The person you mentioned in the beginning sounds like she was (hmm--go back to check and you don't mention gender, yet I have a strong feeling it's a she) hoping too much for validation to her thoughts. It does suck when you don't get any, or don't get any discussion. I usually am hoping for discussion, though it's always nice to have someone say "hey that was interesting." Yet she seems to be personally rejected.
There's a phenomenon here, and in the slash fandoms, that I don't do and don't witness and don't comprehend at all, but I keep hearing about. The fandom dramas. People bickering and insulting and forming cliques. Or other stuff--I don't ever see it, I just sometimes hear about the aftermath. I don't get it. I just want to share ideas and see what other people think. Sometimes I want to read fics, but while I'm picky I'm not going to insult anyone about it. I'm just curious.
Then again, I'm not exactly the hub of cohesiveness when it comes to community of any kind. There's a whole other side to this that I also don't get.
Sometimes I'll post what's-going-on posts, but only when it means a lot. Something really bad, or something really great. "really great" to me is kind of odd I guess, but it's the stuff that made me really happy for a moment, one of those moments you treasure, that sort of thing. So I'll post about going around in the rowboat, or listening to the ice groan in the water. Generally those don't get replies... but in a way, I like them there in my journal history. So I guess part of my journal is a self-image I'm displaying.
I'm babbling too, I think.
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It's like with cliques and things on the net--I just see it as a bunch of people who found something in common, speak to each other a lot and so are friends and it shows. Some people probably are more aggressive about it in a way that might seem exclusionary--I mean, it's always annoying if you're talking on a board and there's a few people who turn everything into a playful conversation between them and their friends that's funny to them and is just annoying to you. I don't usually feel left out, just annoyed! But it's funny when I see that sort of thing defined as cliquish because hey, I've got people like that on lj and I don't think of it that way. Am I just not in a clique because nobody wants to be friends with me?:-D
I didn't say the person's gender because they were anonymous, but I assumed they were female. This is kind of a female thing. My lj is a lot like yours, I think. I spit out these ramblings on different topics and an lj is really a perfect place to put them. If somebody responds to it all the better. But since I genuinely like putting my thoughts in order for myself I don't depend entirely on responses. Of course, I talk to myself too, so I suppose I'm just used to getting no response, or to playing both sides of a conversation! (TMI?)
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I'm fascinated by blogs because I love Teh Meta, and the Metameta. Writing one is related to why I read them. I read some (LJs) mainly for entertainment, and for a couple of very focused discussions (such as yours) on writing, method, communication, language games. I read other blogs for particular information (Lawrence Lessig's blog on copyright law, frex, or Sumerian Word of the Day). The format of an LJ or a listserve, and its coded netiquette, create a way of having a conversation that falls between the phone call and the epistle. Each communication is short and compact.
The awareness of an audience is part of the pleasure. Of course it shapes the discourse, but as Martha Stewart used to say, that's a Good Thing.
So I use my LJ a) to test out ideas that are rattling around in my head; and b) to entertain or share something that pleased me. To the former, I like feedback--and in some cases I have found better feedback on LJ (and on a longterm listserve/reading group to which I have belonged for 7 years) than in RL. That's because the blog format encourages focused discussion and fast, witty response. And because it is risk-free--I can float a half-baked idea and see it tested without my ego being engaged. That is precious to me. And of course, in this particular fandom, I don't have to *explain* why I think slash is interesting.;-)
I don't expect feedback to my more frivolous posts (though I like it, of course). I enjoy the mental image of some anonymous, unknown person somewhere in the Ether cracking up at the office because of something I've written.
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I think lj would probably be a happier place if everyone could really visualize that person out there in the ether who doesn't comment, because you really never know. You might be effecting any number of people and have no idea. I like the idea of crafting a little something and putting it on display for whoever might wander by. That's why, I suppose, I think of entries as all needing a sort of beginning/middle and end. Sometimes I think about the different styles other people adopt that work--for instance, I love it when Mira posts one of her, "Dear So-and-so," posts. Like, "Dear garbage men outside my window..." It's a perfect type of entry perfectly suited to lj that's always funny.
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