Subway story

[sistermagpie]

Happy birthday primroseburrows!!!



So last night I was on the subway going to meet reenka and the car was filled with a lot of noisy teenagers. There was another guy in the car who moved away from them and sat down opposite me. We smiled at each other with that, "Oh well, kids today and it's all part of the grand subway experience on a Friday night and all that." He said something I didn't quite catch and just nodded and smiled. Then I stuck my nose in a book because that's what I do on the subway. After a minute I noticed some movement out of the corner of my eye--something the guy was doing. I thought, "He really shouldn't make a movement like that because it almost looks like he's wanking off right in front of...oh for chrissakes"

Yes, that is what he was doing. Oh joy. So I couldn't look up because I have a feeling that was part of the thrill for him--I mean, not to brag but I think he sat across from me for a reason. (Go me!) But still part of me wonders if I'm crazy so is trying to sneak little glances...maybe he just has one of those little tote umbrellas that fold up and he's got it between his legs and for some reason he's rubbing it up and down? Nope, afraid not.

And yet I stayed on because I had only one more stop. The ride between 50th and 42nd was the longest stretch IN THE WORLD. (And I'm thinking, "Please god let me get out of here before he's finished!!!) I managed to get up and walk to the door without ever looking at Wanking Man like I hadn't even noticed. And then I left. When I looked back he was gone too, so I guess he slipped out (!!) the door nearest him I had avoided for obvious reasons.

You hear about subway stories like that, but that's the first time I ever experienced it. I feel so...blessed? Lucky? Special? GROSSED OUT. Yes, that's the word I'm looking for. And yet at one point I did find myself thinking how if this were a fic and I was Draco and Harry was doing this I would find it attractive. (ETA: That was supposed to read "he would find it attractive," but the slip is too damning to fix.) It's really not.

So there you have it. All you people who are going on about your POA. The real show was right in front of me last night!

Comments

[just-clodia.livejournal.com]

Somebody urinated in front of me once on the 6 train. It was lovely.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

We are so special!!

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Congratulations. I've been subjected to the public wanking, but not on the subway. The 80s seemed to be a prime season for guys just exposing themselves on the subway (no wanking), but that could have been because I spent most of my subway time in the 80s wearing a Catholic schoolgirl uniform which, of course, put me in the top of the Porno Fantasy Character list (along with cheerleaders, nurses, etc.) Grotesque. Anyone who does that should have their privates sprayed with acid.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Oh god--the uniform. You might as well have been wearing a sign saying UNZIP FLY NOW. Poor thing.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_rp_zeal_/]

I clicked on the lj-cut for your movie review, and got THIS! Ah, have always known the stickiness of public seats is in no way innocent ^^;;! Yay for your specialness though :P!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I clicked on the lj-cut for your movie review, and got THIS!

LOL! Psych!

[caminx.livejournal.com]

Oooh poooor Magpie! I shall never curse our poor public transportation system again(actually here in Ca it is almost nonexistent).
Yup better to be in my own car regardless of the gas prices ...

Uhh silly question, but aren't there conductors on the subway ... like on a train? Or little buttons to push for help like on an airplane?

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Uhh silly question, but aren't there conductors on the subway ... like on a train? Or little buttons to push for help like on an airplane?

Not really. I mean, there are some conductors in different places but this car didn't seem to have one. I've never thought to worry about that before now!

[slinkhard.livejournal.com]

Dunno about the US, but in the UK, you can get fined for pulling the emergency cord for anything less than an apocalypse, flashers or no.

[anaid-rabbit.livejournal.com]

Ugh, that must have been bad. *pats, offers cookies* Some guys stalked me and my friend when we were getting out of the subway once, but that`s as far as my "experiences" with weirdos on the subway go. No doubt I would`ve have experienced the same thing if I traveled by subway more, but some people I know have been subjected to similar "wanking men" while in the bus.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, when I got out I looked around suddenly worried that he might be following me but I didn't see him. Not that his face is the main thing I remember about him now! ::shudder::

[go-back-chief.livejournal.com]

I can't help wondering what that guy said to you, which you didn't catch...

I've met a lot of weirdos in subway over the years, but never a wanker. I suppose I'm not special enough.;-)

And yet at one point I did find myself thinking how if this were a fic and I was Draco and Harry was doing this I would find it attractive.

OK. If you were looking for a sign to check whether fanfic have adled your brain somehow, I think that was it.;D And yet, I can't help wondering what, exactly, you could make of such a bunny... Tha must be my sign.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I can't help wondering what that guy said to you, which you didn't catch...


Me too! For all I know he might have politely asked me if he could do this and I told him yes!

OK. If you were looking for a sign to check whether fanfic have adled your brain somehow, I think that was it.;D And yet, I can't help wondering what, exactly, you could make of such a bunny... Tha must be my sign.

I know! Though I suppose there's no real etiquette to what one is supposed to be thinking at a time like that. It was probably that or wonder about the guy himself which would have been icky.

[closet-geek.livejournal.com]

What with my vomit experience and your little subway story--which I was expecting to be your movie review (how was it, btw? Haven't seen it yet) it's just the wrong time to be an innocent bystander. Creeps of the world, unite!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Creeps of the world, unite!

*Waves flag*

I haven't seen the movie yet either.

[malsperanza.livejournal.com]

The guy knows you won't look up because you don't want to engage with him, and he gets off on making you not look. So I like to stand up when I see what the guy's doing, stare at his crotch, say *loudly,* "Is that the best you can manage? Sheesh!" and move away so I don't have to wait him out. This is called winning. The only time I wouldn't recommend doing it is if you are alone in the car with the guy. If that happens I get up immediately and walk away to another car, to cut short the incident, because life's too short.

The absolute most effective response is to look contemptuous and then spit on the ground--not *at* the perp, which might provoke too much response, but turning to the side. For most men, seeing a woman do this is unbearable. Then you walk away smirking, accompanied by the outraged curses of the loser. It is a deeply satisfying experience. I don't do it in the subway because I am a nice person and I do not spit in the subway. But on the street it is more fun than Disneyland.

I will now share my favorite gross subway story. This was told by a wonderful conducter on the #1 train (long since retired), who used to visit the radio (WNYC) once a month and tell stories. You have to picture this in a thick Bronx accent. Late one night, a drunk was passed out in the nearly empty train. He tried to wake the guy up. The man stirred, muttered, vomited copiously (narrowly missing his shoes), and then staggered off the train. A couple of stops later
a couple of guys jumped the turnstyle. He tried to prevent them from getting on the train by closing the doors fast, but they saw him doing it, and squeezed on, several cars back. As the train pulled into the tunnel and picked up speed, he heard them stomping down the train, banging through the doors between cars, shouting and cursing drunkenly that they were gonna get him. They came through the car where he was, running, and one had a knife. The train lurched, and they slipped on the puke and fell in it.

*cues music*

I-I-I-I-I-I love New Yoooork...

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

LOL! What a happy ending!

The funny thing about this guy, really, is that he didn't get much time where I was trying not to look because I really didn't notice until we were that one stop away. Who know how long he was going while I was happily reading. I thought he was fiddling with a tie on his jacket or something at first. But now I know the correct response--thanks! I did not look properly contemptuous--I just used my incredibly bored face.:-)

Had I been alone in the car with him, now that would have been pretty bad.

[fiera-316.livejournal.com]

*gapes* That is so ... weird? Creepy? Although I'm totally with you; if it were made into an H/D fic, they'd be snogging the next minute -- and I think that's one of the first things that crossed my mind when I read this post, which shows how much my brain's been fried by fanfiction, too! ;)

You hear about subway stories like that, but that's the first time I ever experienced it.

I would be very, very icked-out, too...but I mean, how could he just do that? Then again, I've never heard those kinds of stories -- I live in a really small town, so that might be the reason I can't imagine how those kinds of things could happen.

Well, hope the rest of the night was a lot more fun.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Heh--Yes, the rest of the night was much more fun. I had a sparkling raspberry lemonade!

I did wonder if he ever got himself attacked doing stuff like that. After I left I wondered what would have happened if I'd said something to the kids in the car. He might have wound up against a crowd of aggressive teenagers.

This is the same way I am with dirty phone calls by the way. I can't stop myself from being polite. Finally I'll hang up but it's like I have to remind myself NOT to talk to the gross man like he's somebody who just got a wrong number by mistake.

[ackonrad.livejournal.com]

Welcome to my world! I've experienced such a thing in the train, although I suppose that my situation was a little better than yours - the guy wasn't sitting opposite me but on the other side of the compartment. It was pretty obvious what he was doing, though. Even I, an innocent (at that time), eighteen-year-old teenager got it.

It was... Well, I wasn't grossed out, I was more... curious. Is that bad? I tried my best not to watch, but when I think of it now, I was watching in his direction rather often.

Wah. I didn't think that it was sexy or arousing, but interesting. Yes, that's the real word for it.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Well, it was definitely interesting to wonder just who this person was and what he thought he was doing, what he was getting out of it. Especially since when he sat down we had the little nod of, "Hi, we're the adults on the train who are going to behave well why those guys all make noise." I think at one point one of the girls was shrieking and I may have looked over at him again and shrugged! He may have been wanking at that moment but I was looking at his face so didn't notice but I don't think so.

[black-dog.livejournal.com]

if this were a fic and I was Draco and Harry was doing this I would find it attractive

*ROTLF and dies* Ah, the transformative power of art!

I am sorry to hear about your creepy subway experience. This would never happen on the DC metro, where they arrest children for eating snacks.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I am sorry to hear about your creepy subway experience. This would never happen on the DC metro, where they arrest children for eating snacks.


!!!!

Now I'm having visions of the Child-Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang roaming the DC metro!

The scary thing about that sentence is I didn't mean to write it. In fact, I didn't realize I had written it until you quoted it. It's meant to say: "And yet at one point I did find myself thinking how if this were a fic and I was Draco and Harry was doing this he would find it attractive." Freudian slip, perhaps?

[primroseburrows.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the birthday wishes! And, er, the subway story, o'course. *g*

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Heh, no problem! Technically he did this the day before our birthday, which was nice.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

And yet at one point I did find myself thinking how if this were a fic and I was Draco and Harry was doing this I would find it attractive.

It's scary because it's trueeee. I don't know how many things that I normally find repulsive become sexy when glamourised in writing.

In fact, now I want to write a story like that about Draco and Harry stumbling on him! And the whole thing being very sexy. Ahaha. Am v. sad person.

[anehan]

Have you read franlet's ficlet Chocolate Frogs? The scene is quite similar.

[blankcanvas.livejournal.com]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

Too funny!

I don't have any subway stories for you though (like everyone else does) because I live in southern California and I've never been on one. But I promise that when I finally ride on a subway, and when the man sitting next to me masturbates so I'll see him, I'll think of you.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

But I promise that when I finally ride on a subway, and when the man sitting next to me masturbates so I'll see him, I'll think of you.

::sniff sniff::

That's so sweet!

[ramalama.livejournal.com]

Aw, poo. The most I've experienced here in the Midwest was having a drunk fall on me on the bus. Doesn't have quite the same cachet.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Drunks falling on you do have their own charm, though. I was thrown up on once on a bus. That was in Massachusetts.

Boy, this thread is just bringing up all the best memories, isn't it?

[moojja.livejournal.com]

Well, I never seen wanking, although once in a full BART car, I did small pot smoke once. This being the train from Berkeley to SF, the crowd started to yell at the guy to share.