My Life As A Snob.

[sistermagpie]

I've been lj-tongue tied lately and I don't know why. I didn't get to check my flist a lot over the weekend, and then there were all these great posts I couldn't think of anything to say to-so know I read and appreciated if I said nothing!

Then I went to update and also had nothing to say--gasp! But now I do (sorry!), from reading around other discussions. What would I do without the daily_snitch? *pimps Daily Snitch*

Anyway, one discussion that's come up is a variation on the old theme, Molly Weasley-do you approve? For the record I actually quite like her as a character, even if I probably would have spent most of my life locked in a cupboard in search of quiet if I were her child. But the discussion made me think about

See, a lot of people believe that because Molly is such an extreme but recognizable type your reaction to her must reflect your relationship with your own mother, and in some cases sure that's true. For some people she inspires affection because they recognize her bad traits as things that drive them up the wall about the mother they nevertheless love. For others she reminds them of things that were understandably painful to them and were not the by-product of overprotection but an attempt to tear them down. Other people just react to her as a personality type and have mothers nothing like her.

The Potterverse doesn't really have much in the way of perfect families. The closest them come is Harry's and Hermione's, but they are really only perfect because they are dead or invisible. So when I thought about the families we knew and tried to think about which family seemed the most like home to me, and so the one where I would be most comfortable, I came to these conclusions based on what little we've seen:

* The Weasleys--no way. Like being trapped at a friends house and I can never go home.

* The Dursleys--no again. Too much yelling. Plus the spoiling of one kid, abuse of another and general denial of reality (like who Dudley is and why) when it comes to so many things is bizarre to me. V. tacky house.

* The Blacks--I'm with whatever poster had the vague impression that the Black household dynamics probably consisted of Sirius and his mother yelling at each other while Mr. Black and Regulus hid under the table. I'd be under the table and out the door ASAP.

* The Potters--So modern. So young. So cool. So not Mom and Dad.

* The Snapes--okay, we've only got a glimpse, but from what we see, I don't think so.

* The Grangers--I spoke to my parents regularly between the ages of 11 and 17 so no.

You see where I'm going with this, right? Yes, it's the Malfoys. I've always known this was so without really knowing why. They just have always seemed the most like my own...and no, I am not here confessing that my parents were bigots or evil or had contraband under the floor. In fact, let's get some differences out of the way. Neither of my parents has ever, to my knowledge, killed anyone. My father would not be caught dead traipsing around in cape and mask showing peoples' underwear. I can't imagine him buying state of the art of equipment for my school team. (He would never buy me onto it either, but then, as I've said in the past, I just don't think canon evidence supports this anyway.) My mother does not look like she's got a bad smell under her nose, whether or not I am with her (though she did for years pull a very bizarre face in photographs and it amuses me to think the two are similarly motivated). Oh, and moneywise they're not as wealthy as the Malfoys at least claim to be.

So where do I get this impression? It's hard to say. I think part of it maybe is that snob factor that angers Harry so much-there I'm mostly thinking about my mother. I don't mean a cruel classism, but just that sort withering commentary on anything that seems tacky. Like, my mother had this way of correcting me, even when I was a toddler, as if I had just committed some grave faux pas I'd better not do in public. And I know that my friends who know her all seem to think of her as a sort of Emily Post they wouldn't want to offend. I'm not sure where they get this impression, but since they all get it independently, there must be something to it. (This is something I sympathize with Molly for--I think she really would like to be more refined but has no time or instruction and those impulses don't seem valued by anybody but Percy.)

I can imagine Narcissa dressing Draco up to go into the city when he was a kid and taking him to museums etc. like my mother did. Clothing-wise, Harry's crack about Draco looking like a vicar suggests understated high-quality black robes. Silver to match his eyes is cute from Molly's pov, but probably would be chuckled at at the Country Club. Draco seems to be expected to behave himself in public, staying quiet at the Quidditch Match and getting reprimanded for interrupting in the store-his parents aren't friends, they're parents.

In fact, the way Lucius reprimands him reminds me of my father in a bad way; he insults him. My father was really incapable of playing fair with a kid--if he tried to teach me something what he wound up doing was, imo, showing off (which I could usually be heard muttering about as it happened). I think some of the things I find so cringeworthy about Lucius remind me of those things in my father, though I was a very different kid so responded differently. When Draco attempts to blame favoritism for his grades, Lucius doesn't let him. Draco is responsible for his grades. This is certainly the way my own parents would have acted. While most people cheer over Fred and George's grand exit in OotP I just can't. I have become my parents. My reaction is, "You left school after seven years before taking your N.E.W.T.'s just to thumb your nose at this teacher? That was stupid. You have committed the cardinal sin of cutting off your nose to spite your face."

Presumably they, like most normal parents, would have taken my side in the Buckbeak incident. Actually, considering most modern parents in our world there would probably never be any Magical Creatures allowed at the school again, period. The Malfoys are quite restrained by Muggle standards in only wanting the "rogue" animal put down and the teacher punished.

Narcissa sends Draco care packages, which I'm sure my mother would have done had I been sent to boarding school at 11. So would many other kids' mothers. Since her child isn't overweight (are we told what he does with the candy when it arrives? I have a vague feeling we are but can't remember.) it doesn't seem like a problem.

So anyway, while it's not like when I look at the Malfoys I think, "They're just like Mom and Dad!" it's more just that I feel like they would make sense to me as parents, and I get along with my parents very well so naturally I don't see them as monsters or as spoiling their child 24/7. Even some of the things I don't like, like how Lucius keeps Draco in control, are familiar, and if I'm honest, I know it was also the most effective way to deal with me. There's a line in the book East of Eden that I've always loved (that book is full of great little insights about human nature, imo). Caleb, who is at this point 10 or 12, meets a girl who angers him so he wants to get back at her. No kid, Caleb says, is happy with the age s/he is. S/he always wants to be either older or younger. The trick, Caleb says, is to find out which one they want to be, and then treat them as the opposite. I always wanted to be older and treating me as a baby was the easiest way to humiliate and anger me. Heh--that's actually a whole post in itself. Maybe it was partially due to having a brother and sister significantly older than I was, but I have many clear memories of feeling humiliated by being so much stupider than EVERYONE on account of my age, particularly if I didn't get jokes everybody else laughed at. So I set myself to developing what I considered sophisticated humor pretty early, which meant knowing the stuff I needed to know to tell good jokes.

Anyway, I guess I always just think this is probably much the way the Malfoy household runs too, that just as however Lucius defends Draco to the school he no doubt takes him to task for his actions at home, so however much of a child Draco seems at school he no doubt also has sides to him that seem very adult. (We get flashes of this when Draco's not upset, actually, in his remarks about Hagrid and everything else in his first robe shop scene, his scathing sum-up of the Weasleys to Ron, some of his CoMC lines, his lines about Lupin's clothes...) And it just seems to me that when Lucius wants to discipline him, he does it by suggesting he's acting like an idiot/child. The little we see of Lucius in CoS backs this up; his telling Draco it would be more prudent to hide his dislike of Harry and to "just keep his head down" at school suggest he doesn't talk to his son like child but perhaps more as a stupid adult. That's another thing they probably have in common--my mother hates baby talk with a passion and I couldn't use it even as a baby! Narcissa may be more babying or at least comforting, given she sends him care packages and Draco says she wanted him closer than Durmstrang. (Hmmm...Wonder if Narcissa was speaking for Draco who couldn't bring himself to tell Lucius he wanted to be close too.)

Most importantly, there are ways they act towards each other in public--that "pas devant" sort of thing that is sort of the opposite of the Weasleys. It's not a lie; it's just nobody's business. Iow, they don't send Howlers. Howlers are vulgar.

See, if only they weren't possibly both psychopathic murderers we'd get on quite well. :-)

Comments

[dragon-charmer.livejournal.com]

Interesting thoughts ... and oh so well brought together with that last paragraph.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Heh--yeah, they really spoil everything with that murdering thing!:-)

[anaid-rabbit.livejournal.com]

I can see Rowling being horrified if someone somehow suggested that of all the families to be a part of on the Potterverse there were actually people who would choose the Malfoys (they`re EB1L!)... I think she fully expects the readers to view Athur and Molly as the perfect parents and the Weasleys as the ideal wizarding family that anyone would be crazy not to want to have.

Anyway, very interesting views. I`m slowly coming to the conclusion, due to what you and others have written, that if I were offered a choice to choose my parents on the existing families on the Potterverse, I would probably be going for the Malfoys too, for lack of a better choice. Ironic in that Lucius and Narcissa are constantly portrayed as horrible and abusive parents in most fanfiction when we don`t really have a proof that they are, despite being known racists and murderers (and I know this is a pretty big "despite"). Judging by what we`ve seen of them acting as parents, and leaving the Death Eater issue aside, I guess they`re pretty decent and love and care for their son strongly.

On a not so unrelated note, the Grangers seem such non entities, perhaps they were struck with one too much Memory Charms by the MoM? ;)

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I can see Rowling being horrified if someone somehow suggested that of all the families to be a part of on the Potterverse there were actually people who would choose the Malfoys (they`re EB1L!)...

LOL! I know! But you know, obviously we'd want them without the evil. It just gets sticky because a lot of things get mixed up together, like you can't have one without the other.

The Abuse Fanon with the Malfoys is pretty interesting--and I don't think it's really off the wall, since a lot of the things that they teach are hurtful, and in the one scene where we do see Lucius and Draco together Lucius himself is being hurtful, without the wider context we get with, say, Molly. It's the teaching he gets at home that sort of sets up all the grief he gets at school etc. But still, there's a different to me between seeing abuse as sort of metaphorical and really thinking he's chained up and beaten regularly. Although also a lot of people seem to honestly think that child abuse means you're beaten incessently and therefore hate your parents and that's that, which is not true in the real world. It surprises me when people seem to think we should assume the Malfoys can't love their own child and he can't love them back because love is something reserved for good guys or something.

On a not so unrelated note, the Grangers seem such non entities, perhaps they were struck with one too much Memory Charms by the MoM? ;)

Yeah, you really do have to wonder, don't you? I wonder if Hermione's gotten special permission to do it herself whenever she wants to go back to the Weasleys or something.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahah!! Dude. I'm pretty disturbed right now 'cause I think I grew up a lot like you did-- well, my mother's part of the (now-defunct) Russian-Jewish intelligentsia, which thinks quite highly of itself and even though we weren't well off, I still had pretty close to the best of educations one could have in Moscow and so on. And of course, the museums, the extracurricular activities, the casual snobbery and so on. My mother was (...is) very controlling (though I'm nearly uncontrollable) and my father was rather quick to cut me down if I wasn't up to his intellectual standard-- and yes, when I said something stupid, it was because I was 'a child' and not worthy (man, that upset/bewildered me). I was never given breaks 'cause I was 9 years old or anything. My mom was determined to bring me up correctly, y'know, by shoving as much knowledge/experience down my throat as she could, though she was also soft with me (a schizoid childhood if there ever was one) and did do the baby-talk stuff whenever she wasn't being Grand Nazi Master. (Er... we get along really well, but she's still a Grand Nazi Master, man.)

So I share your 'trapped in a friend's house & can't get out!!' reaction to the Weasleys, 'cause my parents were never -loud- (my mother barely ever raised her voice to me-- actually I don't think she ever did) and neither did my dad. I myself only yelled at her a couple of times, ever. Any household that yells would just kill me with the stress level, so I know just what you mean.

It's just... I don't think it's just that the Malfoys are psychopathic murderers. I think (from my own experience), there's a true intelligence & softness and affection they always showed me that ran as a thread through whatever attempts at discipline they tried (mostly my mom). I was never made to feel -bad-, really. I was never really talked down to or made to feel inferior to anyone for any reason. Whereas it seems that Lucius has no instinct when to stop and be gentle and reassure Draco, and I think that makes all the difference. It seems unlikely that they have sincere heart-to-heart talks and that all parenting aside, they're -friends- like I'm kinda friends with my mother. My father's dead, so I can't say. I mean, as much as I did (do?) need the discipline/rough treatment in some ways, if my mother wasn't my friend, I would have stopped talking to her before age 15, for all her good intentions and desire to educate me in every possible way.

suggest he doesn't talk to his son like child but perhaps more as a stupid adult
See, that's exactly what would make the Malfoys unbearable for me. I grew up being treated either as a child or an adult, but never as -stupid-. My parents were impatient and demanding of me, but never cold or -mean- to me. Never. That makes all the difference, doesn't it?

S/he always wants to be either older or younger. The trick, Caleb says, is to find out which one they want to be, and then treat them as the opposite.
That struck me as very true. I think I never actually wanted to -grow up- ('cause I really didn't want the responsibilities and all the stupid adult things that... adults did) but I never wanted to be 'just a child' either. So controlling me & taking away my dignity in any way (treating me as a baby) gets me enraged, yeah. But whenever my mom ordered me around or whatever, she never actually seemed to lower her opinion of me, and that's vitally important. If I thought my parents ever seriously looked down on me (besides just being disappointed because I'm not fulfilling my potential like they know I could), there's no telling how upset I would've been.

That's just me, though. Then again, my father was an intelligent, intuitive and ultimately soft-hearted man, though he had a frightening temper and presence, and really, my mom's pretty strict but soft-hearted too. Lucius Malfoy isn't just a psychopathic asshole-- he's, I dunno, not a very deep human being. Bleh. He's no parent I'd wish on anyone :/

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I do agree with you on the Malfoys from what we've seen. I mean, in the scene where Lucius says he's stupid it's uncalled for, he's just putting him down, and more importantly he's specifically giving him the attitudes that make him so impossible at school. My parents didn't just give me negative reinforcement--they generally respected me and didn't treat me as stupid, which is why I could handle times when I was criticized, probably. What Lucius teaches is fundamentally harmful, and that's a big deal. By teaching anybody bigotry you're bringing them grief and cutting them off from all sorts of positive things...and also I think because Lucius is so extreme in swinging between Draco being superior because of his blood and inferior for not living up to it, he creates a lose/lose situation.

So really, yeah, Lucius at least is a nightmare. But he's...a familiar nightmare, so I naturally gravitate towards that family, you know? I imagine myself having a much better time than Draco because his personality seems just created to get the worst out of it. I probably wouldn't be hanging on Lucius' every word--like I said, with my own father when he'd be belittling I thought badly of him as well. There's no family in this universe where I would want to imagine being related to them. It's just that this one seems superficially more what I'm used to, while other families sometimes seem more like other peoples' houses where I wouldn't really know how to communicate--though of course if I grew up there I would.

So probably I can also imagine times when Draco isn't talked down to, and maybe that's just not something we see. I do think that we should take the scene in B&B as normal--I don't think we should assume Lucius is acting OOC wildly or anything, but the fact that he also sends his kids letters and stuff makes me think maybe there are times when Draco feels respected. And with Narcissa, of course, we don't know how he's treated but she could be the one that's softer on him.

I love the idea of you and your Nazi Grand Master mother at the museum.:-)

[wordplay.livejournal.com]

*uses Malfoy icon*

I have long decided that I would want to be a member of the Bones family. Based on the very little we see of them, they appear to be a family of reasonable women who actually have good heads on their shoulders and work outside of the home. They also seem to be in reasonably good contact, as Amelia and Susan Bones have at least been close enough to discuss Harry in the time between Harry's appearance before the Wizengamot and the first DADA meeting.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

You're right! They do seem like a very normal family where they might actually think things through and talk about them in a normal way.

[biichan.livejournal.com]

*grins* When you talk about it that way, who wouldn't want to be a Malfoy?

(And I bet Draco looked very good in his black dress robes.)

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

LOL--Yeah, that would be a nasty shock for anybody who went to their house expecting my description, huh?

Hey, if the best Harry could come up with was that he looked like a vicar, he didn't look half bad!

[cleverthylacine]

So, yeah. My parents are like the Malfoys in a different way, but yeah.

As for the massive amounts of candy Draco gets, I'm assuming that since other people know about it, it's probably shared with his friends. Vince and Greg by themselves could do away with quite a bit of it.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

So, yeah. My parents are like the Malfoys in a different way, but yeah.

Yup--so many ways to look at these families.

I think I always had some idea of Harry being disgusted by Draco sharing his candy like it was a big treat for people or something, but maybe I just pictured him doing that myself. It seems IC for him to share it with people he likes.

[millefiori.livejournal.com]

I think I too would feel most comfortable with the Malfoys -- not so much because that's the way my family was, but because that's very like the way I am. (Without the bigotry and illegal activities, of course. And my uptight tendencies don't extend to insults.)

Most importantly, there are ways they act towards each other in public--that "pas devant" sort of thing that is sort of the opposite of the Weasleys. It's not a lie; it's just nobody's business. Iow, they don't send Howlers. Howlers are vulgar.

I think this is the thing that gets me the most. In the family I've created (which is as close to my ideal as I can get), we don't insult one another, we don't prank one another, we keep each other's secrets and we don't talk badly about one another to outsiders. We don't yell at each other (or when we do, we apologize). And I wouldn't *dream* of sending a howler to anybody, much less one of my children! (Molly's howler served the purpose of making Harry and Ron feel repentent, but it also aired Arthur's dirty linen all over the school when he was already in a precarious position, and made herself look like a harpy--which Draco mocked to good effect. It also served to keep Ron from informing her about the sorry state of his wand, which is good for the plot, but bad for Ron.)

I also understand Lucius's instructions about appearing fond of Potter, even if I don't care for his motivation. I'm a real stickler for etiquette and proper behavior, regardless of how you feel or what you think of a person/situation. Blunt honesty is for when you're safely alone with trusted intimates.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I also understand Lucius's instructions about appearing fond of Potter, even if I don't care for his motivation. I'm a real stickler for etiquette and proper behavior, regardless of how you feel or what you think of a person/situation. Blunt honesty is for when you're safely alone with trusted intimates.

That's exactly the way my parents always were to me too--I was probably advised fairly often to cover up dislike both for politeness sake and because it gave you more power.:-) I also remember my mother more than once telling me to never put anything in writing because once it was in writing it could get used against you. Also to be careful about sharing your own secrets, things like that. Yup, I'm just like that!

And totally agree about the yelling thing in geneneral. I mean, I understand people who don't understand the problem--it's a loud house and loud doesn't=angry to them, but I tend to always just be like, "What are you yelling for?" Not that nobody ever yelled in my house either...though I guess it was more like sometimes people would raise their voice. There was no shrieking. Molly's howler was especially ill-thought out for the reasons you said. Do you really want everybody to know Arthur's in trouble at the Ministry?

[playscape.livejournal.com]

Narcissa sends Draco care packages

I just love how Harry takes notice of what kind of mail Draco gets. (Isn't the Slytherin table on the opposite side of the Great Hall from the Gryffindors? I got that impression on one reading.) And the same goes for Draco--he takes notice of what kind of mail Harry does (or doesn't) get.

[biichan.livejournal.com]

Dude. They are so OTPish. :D

[http://users.livejournal.com/_rp_zeal_/]

I kind of find myself more at home in a Black/Malfoy/Weasley hybrid household. Sirius' mom will perhaps be my dad, and my mother is perhaps both Narcissa and Molly- she can be extremely mothering and extremely cold at different times, when I was little I used to think my mom was "played" by two different women with the same face.

And no I am not suggesting that my mother has a personality split or anything ^^!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

she can be extremely mothering and extremely cold at different times, when I was little I used to think my mom was "played" by two different women with the same face.

That's great! I know exactly what you mean. I love it!

[shusu.livejournal.com]

The one tiny thing that stays with me, as an only child? Draco sat between his parents at the World Quidditch Cup. And as far as I can remember, he didn't misbehave *there*. The Gryffs absorb themselves in the game and don't get a lot of itchy-collar syndrome for the Malfoys sitting so close.

In between... I guess it's just me... that to sit on one side or another is indicating favoritism for that parent. But to sit in between? It's like a cocoon of safety from both parents, as subtle and important as switching on a sidewalk so the kid isn't walking next to the traffic.

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

Interesting. I've ever only had one parent, so that never would have occurred to me.

[muffytaj.livejournal.com]

If I had to live in the Weasley household, I would go bonkers. Plain-out bonkers. They're so...so... vulgar and stifling!

In my household, people say me and my mum are like 'best friends', and I suppose we are in a way ^_^ I'm also good friends with my brothers and sister-in-law, and none of the Potter-verse places seem to have families where all the members are good, close-knit friends who respect each other's space, and get along in a loving, quiet manner. Except for when our mum gets angry ^^; Then we hop to it! But Molly's loud, SCREAM AT YOU ALL SCREAM SCREAM RANT RAVE would never happen in our household, and to me, it's a bit like a 2-year-old.

Does anyone else get this really 'cramped' feeling about the Weasley's house? Maybe it's because Ron is shoved into a little room, or it has them all crammed into the kitchen, but it feels really cramped to me...

[anehan]

Does anyone else get this really 'cramped' feeling about the Weasley's house?

Sometimes I do, and I don't think it has much to do with how much space they actually have. I grew up in a reasonably big family, and naturally we had to share the living space, but I very rarely got that feeling at home.

[tinderblast.livejournal.com]

http://www.nysocialdiary.com/socialdiary/2004/10_13_04/socialdiary10_13_04.php

I know this is random, but scroll about 3/4 of the way down for some ballet-related photos :D

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Cool! My buddy Ethan looks very dorky in his photo--very skinny with a long neck!

[ackonrad.livejournal.com]

Great post, as always. I personally have always considered my mother as a mixture of Lucius and Molly - BTW, don't you think that Lucius and Molly are very similar when it comes to their children's marks at school? Both try to motivate their kids by showing their disappointment when the kids don't achieve the wished results, and both tend to reward them when they do. Molly bought Percy an owl and Ron a broom, whilst Lucius bought the brooms. And yes, I think he bought them as reward for Draco joining the team, not as a bribe.

Another evidence that Draco is not a neglected or an abused child is the fact that both parents were there when he met Harry first and at the Quidditch World Cup. :)

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I do think there's probably plenty more in common between Lucius and Molly than meets the eye--which is great because it would horrify both of them! But don't you just know that if Draco had a brother or sister Lucius would make comparisons just like Molly does, and if Molly had only one child she'd probably focus on him overmuch like Lucius probably does? Oh yeah.

Another good point about Draco being with both parents being there not only at the World Cup but in his first scene is it suggests the three of them like to do things together as a family, as opposed to so many fanfics when the Malfoys hate each other (usually because it was an arranged marriage and Narcissa is suffering). There's no reason for Narcissa or Lucius to be taking Draco shopping--they could just as easily send somebody to get his stuff. That kind of personal interest is quite ordinary, you know? It's something a regular suburban parent would do (and if it were me, I doubt both my parents would be there).

[fidrich.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if I'd like to live there, but I can definately see the appeal of the Burrow. My father was one of eight children, which gives me quite a large extended family, but of them all we were probably the most detatched - I used to really envy my younger cousins at family gatherings, because they seemed so at ease in this huge chaos of people and noise that was so strange to me. They gave off the feeling that they had this really close, loving micro-community, right their in my gran's flat.

Of course, I'd probably be like my uncle Greg, who got up at six in the morning every day to sit in the living room and pretend he was an only child. :p

I've always sort of hoped that Narcissa would be like a more rational (and, well, classy) version of Molly, and hopefully Lucius, too. Like, instead of putting Draco down of flying into a rage when he "lets his family/blood/race down", she have high expectations of him but actually define what they are, which I don't think either Molly or Lucius do. You know, like "I'd like you to get an Acceptable for Potions" rather than "I'd like you to uphold the honour of your heritage".

Hope you don't mind me friending!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Not at all--friend away! I love your Uncle Greg.:-)

I see exactly what you mean in envying some of the advantages of a big, chaotic family, definitely. In either direction there are probably things that kids would envy in the other, really.

And I totally agree on Molly and Lucius--as you said, they don't define expectations so they're just always impossible to reach and ever-changing. Whenever you achieve one thing there's something else to do. Plus I get the feeling Draco especially has no way of failing with any dignity whatsoever--though Molly probably can be pretty insensitive about that too. If the twins' store fails part of the sting would come from Molly saying, "I told you so."

Families

[(Anonymous)]

You know what, this is the first time meta has caught my imagination for months, it's all been blah-blah whatever, but families, now that is interesting. Thank you!

I really like you your question, where you would be most comfortable living. And the yelling thing, oh god, yes, please no YELLING...


To me personally, yelling is a last resort used when all other arguments have failed, a relationship has tipped into hate, and I snap. Yelling for me means "I sincerely hate you (or you actions, mindset, whatever) and would like most of all never to see you again *ever* because time spent with you is wasted, goodbye, and have a nice life."

Consequently, I am incompatible with the people to whom yelling is a refreshing way to let off some steam, and who, when they have finished yelling, have wiped the slate clean and are ready for a nice sunshiny day.

Living with the Weasleys would be torture well beyond what even teenagers should expect. I had friends with families that yelled and gushed and I could never understand why they were so unpleasant to each other, so undignified, so loud. I don't think that was how they perceived themselves, and I suppose that one persons expression of a colourful and dynamic personality is another's loud, obnoxious, yelling, irrational menace, but still.

Of the alternatives you presented, I suppose my family most resembled the Potters, just throw in a bit of Lupin as well, and lose the bickering. Although I think that if Frank and Alice Longbottom hadn't lost their minds, then they would have seemed familiar too. Young, modern, and nice and quiet. It’s not so bad :-)
But I suppose that anyone who had authoritative parents would feel neglected or un-parented.

I quite agree that the Malfoys seem to be real, concerned parents with a true commitment to their son. Voldie and DE sympathies aside, the fandom presentation of espescially Luscius as an abusive monster of all kinds does puzzle me, where do people *get* these ideas, it’s so *melodramatic*, isn’t that other stuff *enough*? But then, I suppose there are people who do lead those kinds of lives, the Jerry Springer Show springs out of something real I suppose, even though I don’t experience or respond to that kind of drama, but the *Malfoys”? Don’t be vulgar. To me, they are too conservative for comfort, but I do know quite a few nice Malfoy families (sans the pureblood stuff).

The Grangers seem like those kinds of people who wants superbabys and who play Mozart 24/7 and try to teach their unborn baby nuclear physics. You’d need quite a bit of intellectual ambition to believe that your child will benefit from spending Christmas reading, and they seem to believe Hermione saying that “serious” students all do do that. Or they just don’t care. Either way, it’s not a friendly family. And how did Hermione get to be so obsessed with school, anyway?

In addition to the Bones, as mentioned by somebody above, I would also have added the Longbottoms to the list, I think, and the Lovegoods (for those who want to parent their parents), and maybe the Creeveys (all that enthusiasm and joy must come from somewhere).
I suppose we also get some idea of how things are at the Diggorys and the Finnegans too.

The Longbottoms are more interesting, though. Neville seems to have an endless supply of old relatives who love him and want to push him into fulfilling his potential (and push through the memory charms and/or crucios somebody put baby N through?). Frank Longbottom is obviously sorely missed and highly regarded, and Neville can’t possibly live up to his relatives’ expectations. But he is loved, and when his grandmother is visited by her friends, Neville is present as a matter of course (as compared to being sent away while the grown-ups talk), and he gets presents that show that he is being seen for who he is (the plant and the rememberall), and grew up connected to the rest of the wizarding world. The Weasleys seem to be a separate unit from everybody else, while first-year Neville knows at least Pansy and the Patils.

But for comfort, I’ll have the Potters with uncle Remus and uncle Sirius and uncle Moody, and going over to play at the Longbottoms in the weekend.

Thanks for an interesting post, and for letting random strangers ramble on.

- Clara

Re: Families

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Thanks for commenting! I hadn't even thought about the Longbottoms, and I think they might be the family I would pick as well. The Malfoys are very austere and conservative and obviously Lucius at least expects his son to feel the same way, which is very different my family. We can pretty much be whatever we want, I think. I don't remember feeling like there was a lot of pressure on me to any particularly type of person, beyond being responsible etc. I suspect the Longbottoms would be the same way, even if the rest of his family is more difficult.

Remus is probably the character I always think is most like me, for both good and bad (except I'm not heroic and don't have to deal with anything like being a werewolf). I like the way he seems so detached in his care for Harry; he doesn't seem like there's anything Harry needs to give him, unlike some of the other characters. I'm sure Lupin does get things from Harry emotionally, he's just not demanding anything from him, really.

And word on the Grangers--that is the way it seems. They're mostly identified by having the same career and Hermione herself seems very career-oriented or at least goal oriented herself. It's hard to believe her parents don't have something to do with the way she acts. At least they haven't done much to soften her!

[ishtar79.livejournal.com]

I am really late commenting on this-I've been such an lj-slacker this week.

Anyway, the way you put it, the Malfoys sound like the better option. I wouldn't be able to last a minute with the Weasleys-I like my own space very much, and as an only child in a single parent home, I'd go insane around all those people.

Agree on the comments on the other families-those poor Grangers! Nobody remembers them unless it's to kill them off in angsty Hermione/anybody fics.


My Mum is actually a mix of Lucius and Molly-or Mrs Black really, on a bad day (does that make me Sirius? Eeek!). I was expected to behave properly, and maintain a certain standard in marks and behaviour, but when my Mother got angry at me she alternated between the all-out yelling or the cold shoulder/deliberate embarassment. My reasons for disliking Molly are not because she reminds me of my mother.

And howlers are terribly vulgar. Airing your private family matters in a screaming voice-I would just *die* And while the Howler could be dismissed as a weird exotic wizard thing, the only two people to canonically use a howler for the purpose of reprimanding a child are Molly and Neville's grandmother. And, well, Dumbledore (I'm almost positive that's him), but that's a different situation entirely, and Dumbledore's hardly the picture of class anyway, what with discussing chamber boats and his brother's obsession with his goat in public.

Neville's grandmother's a bit of an odd case. Between the Howler and the cutting remarks to Neville in St Mungo's, I'm getting the feeling she's trying to 'toughen him' up through humiliation or something. Mould him into something worthy to fill the shoes of his parents-maybe even slightly resents him on some level for being all that she has left, and a big disapointment at that.

Getting totally OT here, but I'm saying Neville's Gran is hardly the model of maternal warmth...and she sends him a Howler. While Molly, who's supposed to be SuperMum Extraordinary also does it, perhaps with a different motivation, but the end result is the same.

[slinkhard.livejournal.com]

I'm with whatever poster had the vague impression that the Black household dynamics probably consisted of Sirius and his mother yelling at each other while Mr. Black and Regulus hid under the table.

Heh. I think that was me. Poor Regulus, I like him already.

When Draco attempts to blame favoritism for his grades, Lucius doesn't let him. Draco is responsible for his grades.

What cracks me up is how Lucius then goes on to blame all his problems on the 'flea bitten Arthur Weasley' and how no-one appreciates pureblood anymore. Some mixed messages, there!

Since her child isn't overweight (are we told what he does with the candy when it arrives? I have a vague feeling we are but can't remember.) it doesn't seem like a problem.

Nope. I presume Crabbe and Goyle enjoy their share, though! (That's something else about CoS that makes me laugh, as I was looking at the recent readthrough - they're portrayed as greedy, staying for fourth helpings and eating drugged cupcakes; but Harry and Ron's three helpings is, what? Moderation? Much like how Dudley is described as gluttonous, but Harry and Ron buying every sweet the train lady has...Totally understandable! But I won't get into HP and food issues...)

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Jeez--and are Crabbe and Goyle supposed to be obese? I mean, they're described as being muscular, and even at 11 they're more hulking than portly like Dudley. Boys like that often eat a lot, and aren't overweight. They're even revealed as athletic in OotP by being on the Quidditch team, unless, of course, we're just supposed to assume they didn't deserve to be on the team and blah blah blah.