Crying in the Bathroom

[sistermagpie]

I was on HP4GU today and realized there was an actual Draco-related issue in HBP that I hadn't written thousands of words about--and it relates to Snape too! Anyway, we were talking about Harry feeling remorse about Sectumsempra even though it was self-defense yadda yadda, and I realized there was something I was kind of dancing around in talking about the scene that seemed really obvious but I actually don't think I've ever read much about it from this angle.

Ironically, the main references I have seen to Draco’s tears in discussions of Harry’s remorse were strictly defenses of Harry, saying that was moved by Draco's crying and maybe would have helped him if Malfoy hadn't gone postal, so Harry’s all the more innocent. (Regarding Draco the main question I've seen discussed is whether he's just afraid of failing or feeling anything more.)

To me the crying is more important than that. I think it was an intentional and important decision of JKR's to put the crying together with Sectumsempra. She was, as usual, pulling lots of threads together into one dramatic scene. On the mundane plot level, of course, she's just using this scene to get a number of things out of the way--she reveals that the boy Myrtle was meeting was Malfoy, reveals Malfoy's fear and the fact he's being threatened, and also reveals Sectumsempra and shows Snape that Harry's got his book etc. One poster (Carol) I think was also correct in saying Harry is learning the same important distinction Snape feels for him--he hates Draco, but he does not want him dead (more importantly, he doesn't want to kill him).

But I think there's another thing going on as well. I had in the past said I didn't think we could take it as a given that Harry would have been so sympathetic to Malfoy just because he saw him crying--after all, he's upset over the very thing that Harry wants to get him for. However Harry might have felt if Malfoy hadn't attacked him, he actually isn't sympathetic in the scene. His feelings are described as:

"And Harry realised, with a shock so huge it seemed to root him to the spot, that Malfoy was crying -- actually crying -- tears streaming down his pale face into the grimy basin. Malfoy gasped and gulped and then, with a great shudder, looked up into the cracked mirror and saw Harry staring at him over his shoulder. Malfoy wheeled round, drawing his wand. Instinctively Harry pulled out his own."

At the point Malfoy wheels around all Harry has felt is shock, a shock so huge that it "roots him to the spot" and keeps him from doing what he probably would have done had he found Malfoy just talking to Myrtle, which is hide and listen. Not stand there like a sitting duck in full view for a pretty long moment.

And the question is--why is he so shocked for so long? He's not just surprised here (like Malfoy when he found Harry and Snape doing their Occlumency lessons), he's so shocked he's having trouble taking it in. That shock is drawn out for two sentences, first Harry being physically rooted to where he's standing, then having to go over what he's seeing ("Malfoy was crying --actually crying --"). He's transfixed watching the physical crying--the tears falling into the basin, the gulping sobs. But what's so shocking here? I mean, so shocking that Harry has so much trouble processing it?

It's not shocking to a lot of readers, presumably. Myrtle's already told us some boy was crying in the bathroom and the law of character conservation made Malfoy the obvious candidate. Harry himself has been watching Malfoy's physical deterioration all year and been pleased by it because he knows it means the Voldemort plot isn't going well. Usually Malfoy in any kind of distress makes Harry pleased.

So what's so different here that it's so shocking? I think the idea is that Harry is shocked at suddenly seeing Malfoy, cliché as it sounds, as a real person. In the past the only feelings Harry's ever saw in Malfoy were negative ones: he's menacing, he hates Harry, he's a coward. He's also seen fake ones: he sucks up to people, he boasts, he struts, he plays up injuries. Did Harry really not see the vulnerability in him that many readers saw? Well, no, he probably didn't. As early as the Sorting scene Harry has actually imbued Malfoy with a sense of well-being and confidence so big he sees any evidence against it as a welcome, temporary aberration. I don't think it's unreasonable to say that up until that moment Harry really never has seen Malfoy as a boy like himself who might actually feel the same things Harry feels at times and have similar motivations. (It's really interesting the way it's both like and unlike the Pensieve scene with Snape, perhaps because Snape and Malfoy represent different shadows to Harry.)

I realize this sounds really cliché--but JKR isn't afraid of clichés when she's set them up well, and she has here. There's a reason this moment had already occurred in a hundred H/D fics before she wrote it. It's not about Harry suddenly feeling sorry for Malfoy--he doesn't in the scene. It's somehow exploding something that until that moment he'd taken for granted about Malfoy, something I doubt he'd ever really been aware of. Apparently Malfoy crying -- actually crying -- really is a shock for Harry who has more than once in the past wanted to cause him as much pain as possible. I’m not even sure just what it’s exploded—but maybe Harry doesn’t either. It’s not something he can immediately articulate like he can with James and Snape in the Pensieve (James is being an asshole and he’s supposed to be cool; I felt sorry for Snape and that’s all kinds of wrong because he’s usually the bully).

There's something about that moment that makes Malfoy different, and then it's immediately choked off--just as Harry's fleeting confusion about Snape after the Pensieve is choked off by Snape attacking him. Malfoy attacks him (he knows it's a naked moment, certainly), Harry instinctively defends himself. And this is the fight that leads to Harry hurting Malfoy more than he ever has, more than he imagined or really intended. I feel like you can't separate the two things completely. Even acknowledging that Harry was acting in self defense, this isn't just another scene where Harry strikes back at the Malfoy he knew before who was asking for it. Throughout the whole fight Harry is actually more strangely empathetic than Malfoy than he ever has been, I suspect.

Perhaps that's another reason Harry doesn't think about Malfoy at all after that. It's not just guilt at his (fixed) actions, perhaps, but the discomfort of his new intimacy with Malfoy. I'm not even sure if Harry told his friends about the crying--you'd think they'd have said something about it. He may still be having trouble processing it. The fight can distract him from it, but I think it's also connected to why he feels badly. I don't mean anything so literal as just Harry feels bad because he not only hurt Malfoy but Malfoy was sad right before he did it. I think it's more subtle.

Subtle, btw, in a way I again think parallels Snape. Harry also saw him in the exact kind of vulnerable moment he didn't associate with him, Snape also responded by attacking Harry, Harry defended himself again, focusing more on the unfair accusations. It's also kind of funny that this is Snape and Malfoy, both of whom are connected to Occlumency by Rowling. Occlumency, which she relates to cutting oneself off from feelings, which both Snape and Draco consider potential weaknesses even though they seem at heart more emotional than Harry (or in different ways). Harry has seen exactly what these two characters are always trying to hide, and up until the moments they hit him in the face, they were successful at hiding them from Harry.

Btw, how much do I love Stephen Colbert for putting Gwyneth Paltrow's head on his shelf? It's still the best moment in her career, imo.

Comments

[earth-magic.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, interesting throughts. I've never really thought about that scene in this way before and it's interesting that from this moment on Harry no longer stalks Malfoy to try and find out what he's doing. It's almost as if he doesn't want to have to face the emotion that he saw in Malfoy again.

[ptyx.livejournal.com]

It's also kind of funny that this is Snape and Malfoy, both of whom are connected to Occlumency by Rowling. Occlumency, which she relates to cutting oneself off from feelings, which both Snape and Draco consider potential weaknesses even though they seem at heart more emotional than Harry (or in different ways).

Yes! That was what I was thinking while I was reading your post. The weird thing is that I think Harry either represses his feelings or he doesn't know how to feel... The way he reacted to Cedric's and Sirius's death, for instance. We don't see him really feeling anything. Hmmm... I would think about that, if I had time!

[frayach-nicuill.livejournal.com]

Wow, this is all very interesting and very well said.

It is remarkable - the irony behind JKR's association of Occlumency with the severing (yes, pun intended) of heart from mind. Because the inference is that Harry's not good at it because it's somehow suspect and "unnatural." However, Harry as I read him is, in many ways, just as cut off from his emotions as Malfoy (in some ways even more so). I realized that for the first time, really, when I read the scene in GoF when Harry can't permit himself to cry when Molly hugs him. Harry struggles with the experiencing/processing/display of "weak" emotions as much as anyone else, if not more so.

I really like the way you've completely isolated JKR's exact description of Harry's reaction, namely, shock. Shock is one of those words like "depression" - we use it sloppily to describe a whole range of experiences when, in fact, it actually has a very precise and exclusive meaning. I've only experienced true honest-to-god shock once in my life. I was driving behind (too closely) a flatbed truck full of rocks and stumps when it went over a bump and a rock about the size of a person's head flew out and crashed through my windshield, grazed my cheek and landed in the backseat. It happened so fast and was so out of the realm of expectation, that I quite literally could not believe it. There was this palpable sensation of time slowing down to a crawl - of seeing the rock bounce up and out of the truck, make contact with the glass, etc. I felt NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. Not fear, not alarm, not anything. And I remember my reactions being so rational. I glanced in my rearview mirror to see if someone was behind me, put on my blinker, braked and pulled slowly and carefully over to the side of the road. It's a cliche, but I remember really and truly thinking: that did not happen. It was like time was going to go backwards and I was going to "snap out of it" and discover I was still just driving along with an intact windshield and without a boulder in my backseat. Then people started to pull over to see if I was o.k., and when I went to find the button to roll down my window, I discovered my hand was shaking so violently that I literally couldn't do it. But I still wasn't scared. It was still shock. Something so pure and fundamental that it doesn't even really involve emotion - or somehow doesn't have room for emotion. If one experiences emotion in such a moment, then what they've experienced isn't technically shock... It's something - perhaps equally or even more powerful - but it's not shock.

And that is precisely the experience JKR describes Harry having when he sees Draco crying. Like you said, there is no processing, no cognitive reaction of any kind. It's a purely physiological thing. Which in many ways is really telling, isn't it? It took a boulder crashing through my windshield for me to experience true shock, but Harry experiences it simply by seeing Malfoy crying. He's had his world rocked, and it's so interesting to think about how and why that is. But one thing we can know for sure: Harry's reaction does *not* suggest indifference or disinterest.

Thanks for the thought-provoking post. Very interesting.

[ishtar79.livejournal.com]

Well spotted, and I always enjoy Draco-Snape parallels! It's an especially nice touch that the moments of Harry acknowledging them as people rather than cartoonish presences in his life (Harry, and a lot of the readers) aren't linked to his feelings for them changing-we don't have to *like* people to better understand them after all.

Btw, how much do I love Stephen Colbert for putting Gwyneth Paltrow's head on his shelf? It's still the best moment in her career, imo.

?! I'm guessing it wasn't her *actual* head, but you could you elaborate?

[q-spade.livejournal.com]

Apparently Malfoy crying – actually crying – really is a shock for Harry who has more than once in the past wanted to cause him as much pain as possible...And this is the fight that leads to Harry hurting Malfoy more than he ever has, more than he imagined or really intended.

It's a "Be careful what you ask for – you just might get it!" moment for Harry, isn't it? He's been waiting years for this, but now that it's happening it isn't AT ALL what he expected.

[ravenna-c-tan.livejournal.com]

I quite enjoy your analysis of this scene. I've re-read it so many times now as I've worked on different fics and it always comes up. I don't have a lot to add, still digesting your thoughts, but thanks for writing it!

[saylee.livejournal.com]

It's been awhile since I've read this scene, so I don't have a lot to say, but I do think you're absolutely right. I've been reading your meta for awhile and I always find it brilliant, and this is no exception.

[edido.livejournal.com]

Great post, I totally agree. I think his shock is due to an inability to see Snape or Draco as victims; usually they are the perpetrators victimizing him. In Snape's case, his shock was twofold because he was also seeing his dad and Sirius as the perps. The ramifications there and the distance of many years from the event, would have somewhat superseded the mind-blowingness of realizing Snape was the victim.

Witnessing Draco in absolute despair (and knowing from Myrtle that it isn't a lone incident), his shock is absolute; nothing mitigates it. Besides the crying, he hears that Voldemort has threatened Draco and his family with death. They are victims! And they can like...cry and stuff? Whoa! What universe is this? I think for Harry it must have been something like opening a door and entering another dimension.

And then, as you say, he becomes the perp with his spell gone wrong. Then Snape, rightly, points out Harry has done Dark magic and also, cheated! It's really no wonder to me that he doesn't want to ponder it. It was the day Harry Potter went to Bizarro land, LOL.

[charlotteschaos.livejournal.com]

What was interesting to me also was in the follow up scene where he went back to Gryffindor an was explaining what happened, Hermione was very, "omg you could've killed him, will you put that book away now, plz?" and Ginny defended Harry saying it was justified and Malfoy got what he deserved. Harry was initially pleased with Ginny's defense, but as it went on, he started wondering why Ginny was fighting with Hermione over this and even thought 'hey, aren't they friends?'

I really enjoyed that part of the book and how it threw Harry into this other frame of mind and you're right, he did put off thinking about it or dealing with it for a bit after that. Which was a pretty bad time to ignore Draco, as obviously it steeled him to do what he needed to :)

Here via the Daily Snitch

[lanjelin.livejournal.com]

Yes, this is exactly how I interpreted the scene, actually. I think it also ties in with how both Draco and Slytherin House has been entrenched in Harry's mind as one-dimensionally bad; though we as readers can see the flaws in his reasoning (and thus feeling sympathy for characters a Draco and Snape), to Harry everything that's happened up until now has only reinforced his perception of Draco.

It's also kind of funny that this is Snape and Malfoy, both of whom are connected to Occlumency by Rowling.

I think it's actually very fitting. Harry is more "in touch" with his feelings in that he almost always act upon them, and never tries to deny them; he doesn't talk about them though, or reflect upon them, and there is where I think he differs most from Draco and Snape.

The way I see it, both Draco and Snape are able to analyze their feelings; they'll be aware of what they are and how to handle them (at least moreso than Harry), making it easier for them to use Occlumency. It doesn't mean they feel any less; they just know how to put the feelings away to a certain degree when they have to. It's the "compartmentalising" JKR talked about in an interview, I think.

Of course, it doesn't mean they'll always do so - just look at Snape's unreasonable hate for Harry - but they're able to, in a way Harry isn't.

[fictualities.livejournal.com]

I think the idea is that Harry is shocked at suddenly seeing Malfoy, cliché as it sounds, as a real person.

Yes yes yes yes yes, and to the Snape parallel as well. This moment also reminds me of the episode in OotP when Ginny has to remind Harry that erm, yes, she's had dealings with Voldemort too, and Harry says, "I forgot." (That has to be one of my favorite descriptions ever of what it's like to be fifteen.) In the earlier book Harry had to be forcibly reminded that his friends have their own experiences and interior realities; in HBP I really do think you're right: he's being forced to expand his horizons and consider that even his enemies have feelings and so on. And yeah, he goes into such shock that he doesn't think about Malfoy much, but it's very telling that he has that moment at the end of HBP when notices that Malfoy is missing. When he does get around to thinking about Malfoy, the way he thinks about him has changed.

I really love the connection you make here between the Harry understanding Malfoy a bit and Harry hurting him more than he ever has -- wow! Now that you've pointed it out, this makes such huge psychological sense. Snape's spell is "for enemies," and maybe the whole scene is about the consequences of putting someone in the enemies box -- for real, as an adult, when it's not just about schoolboy rivalries any more.

Harry's viscerally horrified and experiences the consequences of the spell as a huge disjunction between what he did and what he meant to do. Maybe he learns here that over the long haul, the whole concept having an enemy is incompatible with what he wants to be. I'm not saying that Harry is supposed to hand everyone flowers and chocolates and hold their hand, just that maybe he's headed for a Dumbledore-like state of always giving people a second chance and refusing to categorize them as just an enemy. No matter what Harry will have to do to people on the other side, he has to confront the fact that they're human beings.

[jodel-from-aol.livejournal.com]

The evedence really is beginning to stack up that one of the most dangerous things you can do is settle down for a good cry in a Hogwarts bathroom.

Basilisks, Trolls, enemies with unclassified curses...

Just making yourself a sitting duck, y'know?

(Corrected version of comment)

[black-dog.livejournal.com]

As early as the Sorting scene Harry has actually imbued Malfoy with a sense of well-being and confidence so big he sees any evidence against it as a welcome, temporary aberration. I don't think it's unreasonable to say that up until that moment Harry really never has seen Malfoy as a boy like himself who might actually feel the same things Harry feels at times and have similar motivations.

Extremely cool and provocative observations, as always. I never gave enough attention to the "shock" before, or to thinking about what it might mean other than the obvious pity thing, which is Harry's icy approximation of empathy.

But now I'm thinking especially about the first half of what you say here -- the way Harry has always magnified Draco's power in his own head. You hit some of this in the deathtocapslock post, too. Harry typically feels justified in what really is aggressive and bullying behavior on his own part, because of all the things he projects onto Draco -- Draco seems to possess, in Harry's mind, the accumulated power of everyone who's ever humiliated or hurt him. So when he lashes out at Draco, Harry feels he's just playing defense, when actually he himself is being really offensive (in both senses of the term.)

At some level, Draco intimidates him, which is a feeling Harry just can't acknowledge or accept. So he redefines what he's feeling. He recasts himself as a valiant warrior fighting back against evil, which takes care of both his potential fear and any moral qualms about his own aggressiveness.

And I wonder if part of his shock here is not just about seeing Draco as vulnerable, but more viscerally about seeing himself as having been totally mistaken. This is the boy that frightened me so badly? This is the boy I built up to such a terrible thing in my head? And the implicit question he can't face is -- why did I do that? So, as you point out, he goes on to avoid Draco afterwards, because there's so much about this that he can't deal with -- because he'd have to acknowledge he'd been frightened, been intimidated, and that he'd built up this whole edifice to defend against that feeling. It's connected to, but slightly different from saying that he suddenly sees Draco as a "real boy." He also has to consider the possibility of seeing himself as having had issues he didn't want to admit.

Just playing with ideas, here, as usual, turning things on their heads. But this spin would make Harry's feelings more about Harry, which is sort of typical for him, no?

[professor-mum.livejournal.com]

A mutual friend says you have an excellent essay along the lines of "Make Room for Snape Daddy" whereby you make the case that Snape is the defacto Step-Daddy of both boys in HBP. Can you provide a link?

Also --- understand what you are calling out above. I see it as a 'rehersal' for the jaw dropping moment when Harry discovers Snape is really "Dumbledore's Man Through and Through" in B7. When you turn a paradign on its head: major shock. Hard to be a cool James Bond (the Daniel Craig variety) on the spot.

[khilari.livejournal.com]

Interesting ideas, definitely. I think there is a parallel with the pensieve scene, but also a big difference. When Harry sees Snape being bullied and doing his best to fight his attackers, he sees himself as Snape. He's been in that position.

When he sees Draco I think he's partly shocked because it is so far out of his experience. He can connect to what Draco must be feeling, but not to showing it that way and making himself that vulnerable. Harry wouldn't cry in a bathroom where anyone could walk in, he keeps his feelings deeper than that. Or not deeper, exactly, but with different ones on the surface. Um, I kind of hope you know what I mean there, because I didn't express it very well.

[woman-ironing.livejournal.com]

It is hard to decide what Harry is making of Draco's crying. It is an unexpected sight. I think a significant amount of Harry's shock is at finding himself precipitated into this personal drama. He'd just been walking along and checked the map out of habit, not really expecting anything, and then in place of the usual disappointment he gets Malfoy in terror and despair. The event comes out of nowhere for Harry and for us reading it. (Even if afterwards we can see that Harry, intent on the map, crashing into the suit of armour was a comic foreshadowing!) There's no reason for Harry to feel sympathetic to Malfoy, given their history and all that Harry learnt on the train and at the time of Slughorn's party about Malfoy's attitude to the task he's been set. Malfoy going into shoot-first-and-ask questions-later mode, culminating in the Crucio that led to Sectumsempra, prevents Harry from having the time to work out what it is that he does feel. But what Harry witnesses here is essential to his understanding of Malfoy on the Astronomy Tower.

Malfoy's vulnerability (before Voldemort took an interest in him) is a strange thing because it's something he's unaware of. We see him as vulnerable because we know he was born onto the wrong side and is in for a shock. Malfoy meanwhile thinks he's perfectly right and perfectly safe. Until HBP he is perfectly safe. (Schoolboy hexes and hurt pride don't coun.) Harry's ignorance of Malfoy pales into insignificance before Malfoy's ignorance of Harry, but then Malfoy's experience is limited.